Monday, October 21, 2013

Small towns

I am a patient person.  I am a kind person.  I am a loving person.  I have learned to be a positive person.

Right now, I am none of the above.  I am an impatient person.  I am not feeling very kind.  I am an angry person.

A few you know that for my birthday, I indulged myself and did something I have wanted to do for a while...I got my tongue pierced.  I hadn't Mom yet, and had only told a few friends.  I planned on telling Mom when I was able to take it out without there being a problem with getting the piercing back in.

Well, someone already told her.  I do not know who, and she won't say.  I caught a huge ration of grief for doing it.  I don't know if it was one of my friends or somebody else from this small town.  I had it done at a place catty-corner across the street from the police station.  It could have been someone from there that knows I'm related to the chief.  I don't know.

What I do know...I am tired of not being able to do anything without someone running to tell my family.  I feel like I can't even breathe without someone keeping check on me.  I'm old enough to take care myself.  I have gotten help from family and friends on occasion in the past, but for the most part, I am very independent.  It feels like I can't do anything without somebody tracking my movements.  I need to get out of this town.

The longer I stay, the more angry I become.  I love my family.  I love my friends but I need to get out of here.

I have started legitimately job searching away here...away, away from here.  I won't be on the East Coast any longer than needed.  I am going somewhere fairly warm most of the year - no snow.  I'm going somewhere there are no tornados, no earthquakes, few wildfires, little rain, no humidity and somewhere there are actual things to do after midnight when I am usually awake.

I'm tired of feeling like everything I do gets checked and rechecked to see how stupid I've been.  I'm not stupid.  Yes, I have made questionable choices (who hasn't?) over the years, but nothing ridiculous.  Plenty of room in this country and I don't feel the need to stay put any longer.  The plan is now actively in place.  I am searching for a job
elsewhere.  Somehow I will manage to get out of here.  When?  I'm not sure but it will be as soon as possible...that much I do know.  

No comments:

Post a Comment