Saturday, October 26, 2013

Bipolar Mood Swings

This is a venting post.

I am feeling very out of sorts this morning, and a whole lot alone.

I'm tired.  I'm broke.  I'm frustrated.  I'm aggravated.   Every slight, every mean thing, every bad decision ever, is circling around in my head.

I want some mental quiet.  I want some emotional rest.

I want to curl up and hide.
I want my daddy.  When I felt like this in the past, Daddy would get frustrated with me, but he would hug me anyway and I could stop crying.  It would go away for a little while.  I feel lost now, because I don't have anyone like that anymore.

My cat looks at me like I'm nuts, rolls over and goes back to sleep.  To be honest, I get like this and kinda feel like I am a little crazy.  I know I'm not, but I feel that way.

I have friends, but they have their own lives, their own stresses, their own problems.  How fair would it be to them if I'm boohooing about my silly shit when they have more important things to deal with?  I love them too much to ask them to deal with my snot nosed, blubbering self.  I'm the person to be leaned on, not the one doing the leaning.  I may bitch sometimes to them, but they don't need me crying around like some baby not getting their own way.

Usually, I could care less if anyone is around.  I talk to who I want to talk to.  I listen to who I want to listen to.  I'm pretty independent normally.

Right now, I wish I wasn't so independent.  Right now, I wish I wasn't so alone.      

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