Sunday, October 20, 2013


I am feeling very lost right now.  A dear friend of mine lost their father yesterday after a long illness.  I wasn't prepared for the emotions that it has stirred up.  I am feeling like I got slugged in the gut.  I'm swamped with the memories of when I lost my dad.  I really miss him.

There is another issue at play, but that's not something I can talk about, at least, not right now.  My friend losing his dad has made dealing with that issue a little harder, that's all.  I am struggling to keep depression from taking over, really struggling.

Depression is self defeating.  That's why I am fighting it so hard.  I'm not feeling very positive at this point.  I can fall into bad habits (not eating right, etc.) too easily if I let depression grab hold.  That's another reason why I am fighting it.  I have come too far to this point, and I won't give up.  I need to fight harder.  I may not be exactly who I want to be right now, but I will be someday.  If I sidetrack now, that puts that day further away from me.  I don't want that.

I have another friend who is feeling very happy right now.  I am trying to assume his feelings of happiness rather than falling prey to my old habit of being negative.  I'm having trouble doing that, but his feelings of happiness are my immediate goal for myself.  I want to take comfort in that feeling rather than muddling through depression and sadness, so....

I fight.  I know what I want.  I know what I need to do.  I know I can be strong.  The middle of the night just makes it a little harder, because everyone, including me, thinks too much in the early hours of the day.

I have people who love me.  I have people who care about me.  I love me.  I care about me.  I have my work cut out for me for the next few days, while I get through this time.  I will make sure my friend knows he can count me too.  The loss of a parent is very hard.  I know all about it.  I'm remembering how tough it is while I write.  There is very little comfort for that kind of loss.

Keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts.  I need them.

Keep my friend in your prayers and thoughts too.  He needs them also.

                                        Thank you.


1 comment:

  1. I was shocked to see of his death. But as his one son said, its time to rest. I know how hard it is for you. I think your lack of sleep is causing some of your "depression" Since I've been sleeping, I feel a lot less stressed and depressed. Take care. Here is u need anything. Love ya!