Thursday, October 31, 2013

Oh how quickly things change

Well, sometimes parents can be very surprising.
My mom apologized to me on Sunday morning for some words that we had on Friday afternoon.  I spent Friday night and all day Saturday upset.  It had been a difficult week.  Mom & I having words only made it worse. 

One of my best friend's fiance had lost his father.  When I went to the viewing - her fiance is also my friend - it was at the same funeral home, in the same room, where my dad's viewing had been.  Being there for just a few minutes immensely taxed my willpower to not cry.  I didn't want to cry in front of their family because I didn't want to seem fake to them.  I gave my condolences but got out of there very quickly.  

Friday I drove 70 miles round trip for a job interview.  I got lost on the way.  Not seriously lost, but lost anyway, and was late to the interview.  The manager doing the interview was very understanding.  I wish I could say I got the job, but I didn't.  I found that out this week, but it's okay.  I had borrowed Mom's minivan to drive there.  When I dropped off the van, I told Mom about the interview.  We got to talking about another subject which is a sore subject between my mom and I.  One thing lead to another, and she was talking to me like I was a teenager.  Now, I wouldn't mind being talked to like I was a teenager, if I was still a teenager, but I am not and haven't been for a few years.

When I left, she was angry.  I was angry.  It wasn't pretty.  I got home.  With my mind already running roughshod over the viewing early in the week, being nervous about the job interview results and a few other things, I was a mess.  Tears came easily and quite often through the night and all day Saturday.  I talked with a very good friend early Sunday morning.  Try as they might, I still couldn't find peace of mind.  My friend and I had been communicating online, via messages.  When we were done talking, I still needed to hear a human voice.  

I tried reaching out to a few friends that I knew to be early birds, but to no avail.  Finally, in desperation of needing to hear a voice, I called my mom.  As we were talking, she said "I owe you an apology for how I talked to you on Friday.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have been like that."  My heart leaped.  To be very honest, and this is nothing against my mom at all, Mom doesn't normally apologize for harsh words she may have said.  She did this time.  I readily accepted her apology and started to cry again.  

Usually my mom will tell me to stop bawling.  She didn't this time.  We went on to have a really good conversation about why she was upset with me, and even found a peaceful way to deal with the issue.  It was amazing.  

Mom and I usually don't see eye to eye on many things.  It has improved greatly in the last few years, mainly because of Daddy leaving us.  We kinda had to learn to lean on each other a little more.  I normally leaned on Daddy.  Of course, that's who she leaned on.  When we were left with no other option, we had to learn to get along.  We've done that, for the most part.  We still butt heads often, but old habits truly do die hard, and that is a bad habit for both of us.  It was and can still be, easy for us to lash out at each other.  We are learning, though, which is wonderful.

My mom's apology destroyed my depressive swing completely in a matter of moments.  It is amazing what a few kind words can do for someone like me.  I know my mom and I will continue to clash.  I don't think that will ever change, but anything is possible.  She's even gotten tentatively on-board with me wanting to move away from the area.  She's not happy about it but she's listening to why I want to do it.  I suppose that will take a little time.  

All in all, what was working into an utter and complete meltdown became a shining hallmark moment for me and my mom's relationship.  Mom has even adjusted to my tongue piercing, lol.  She doesn't understand it but she's dealing with it.   I think it's cool, and something I've wanted to do for myself.  We have agreed to disagree on the subject. 

I know there will be times that Mom is going to forget I am a grown woman with my own ideas, wants and needs.  I know that she and I will butt heads again over something.  She's stubborn and so am I.  It is inevitable that it will happen.  Maybe it won't happen when I'm having an already bad week.  I can hope, right?  

She drives me crazy ocassionally but I love my mom.  She's tough, beautiful, and hard sometimes, but she loves me.  I am sincerely lucky.


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