Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Apology, Zero Z & the Mean Streak

I can be unpleasant when I am tired.  Whether I am weepy, argumentative, self deprecating to the point of personal hostility, aggressive (or some evil mix of them all), Zero Z gives light to a wicked mean streak.  My newly acquired confidence seems to have increased that swath of hard core bitch that has always run through me.

I am not comfortable with it.  I don't like it.  An adjustment is needed immediately.

I took it out on someone I have come to care for like a sister.  She was just trying to help.  It is not her fault that everything is striking a very raw, deep running nerve today.  If I had gotten some sleep, I would be able to control that inner hag, but the Sandman did not visit.  I think the little bastard likes to set me up and watch the havoc I can reek.  Hate and discontent walk closely with me, and positivity runs scared like a little girl on days like today.

My day started beautifully...yesterday morning.  I saw the sunrise this morning and watched the movie Pitch Perfect three times in a row (I like the acapella music!).  I pulled my shit together about 10am to go get smokes and coffee.  From there I decided to go for a drive.  It wasn't a long drive but it was fun, windows down, tunes cranked, even left a Corvette sitting in my dust.  I stopped for more coffee and realized I had left my phone at home, so I headed back.

I look at my phone and there are Twitter messages, email notifications, someone telling me it was my turn in our word game...and it pissed me off.  Why it struck that chasming nerve?  Fuck if I know!  That's the truth.  All I know is it did...and my dear Twitter sister caught the worst of it.

This is my open forum apology...but sorry will never be enough.  I feel like the creep I truly am underneath it all.  Guess my halo slipped off my horns again, and I'm not trying to be funny.  My dear sister, Rho, will understand that image.

So I come to you, Rho, with my hat in my hands.  There is no excuse for how I spoke to you.  I cannot make up for the heel I have been but I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me anyway....please?


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