Positive and negative

I have some dear friends who have been encouraging me in the direction of positive thinking.  That goes against most every fiber of my body.  I admit it.  I am not a positive person by nature.  You are thinking "DUH!".  Call it influences over the years, experiences throughout my life, whatever...I am not typically positive when it comes to myself.

I can be a very positive influence when it comes to others: family; friends; co workers; the lady in the line ahead me at the store...whoever.  Just not for myself.

Y'all remember my 'little obsession' with the wrestler.  Well, he is also a very firm believer in the laws of attraction and positive thinking.  Law of attraction simply is if you put the positive thoughts and actions out, it will draw positive things to you.  Simple enough, right?  NOT!  As an example, he is a good one.  He lives it, day in and day out.  It seems to work for him, considering his ever growing fan base.  He is working for the company he has always wanted to and has the career he has dreamed of since he was a preteen.  I think that's wonderful, cool, awesome.  It has worked for him.

I just have a hard time trying to figure out how, with my current state of affairs, to be positive.

That's where my wonderful friends come into the picture.  God Bless them!  They are soooo amazing!!  When I get to feeling really down about 'things', they not only pick me up and dust me off but also kick me in the ass when needed.  Some sweetly...others, not so much.  Being friends with me can be a challenge.  I am bipolar, but medicated.  I still have 'swings' though not like they were before medication and therapy.  Include the general negative aspect of my personality...you get the picture.

Anyway...they are WONDERFUL!  I owe them so much...and they are the reason I try everyday to find something positive, even if it is to think about their friendship and what means to me.  I have to give them their 'props'...I don't function well without them.  At their urging, I work daily to become a more positive thinking person.  I struggle with it.  If you have read any of my other entries, you already know that.  I hear them in my head sometimes, cheerleading and/or chastising me.

Fact remains, I am a challenge, a gauntlet they seem to have readily accepted.   I'm lucky...very lucky.   My grinchy little heart grows with each interaction...whether it is face to face or virtually these days.  Not sure about the other fibers, but the heart fibers are becoming more positive than negative.  I am trying to be more,  They help...maybe more than even I understand.  Whatever it is, I don't know that I would survive without them, ALL of them.

I love you guys!  You make me a much better person...I hope you know that.