Inevitable

There are things that are inevitable in life.  If you want to live, you must breathe.  If you want to stay out of jail, you have to pay your taxes.

If you make it from yesterday to today, you are getting older.

It is completely unavoidable.  We get old.  Average lifespan of an American woman is 81 years.  Average lifespan for a man is 76.  

I never had a problem with getting older.  The gray hair, it can be colored.  The health issues can be improved by taking control of your diet and getting some exercise.  Getting older is like banking experience to be used at a later date.  

Some recent events have served to remind me just how old I truly am, reminders that some things are best left to the young, because it doesn't matter if you are only young at heart.  Age is a valuable factor in many areas of existence.  

Prospective employers do not want experienced prospects.  They don't want to pay the money they assume you want and they want to train someone in their way of doing things.  So, the more years you have under your belt, the harder it is to find a new job.  

Friends and family start falling away because of illness and death.  On route to my current age of 46, I have lost too many friends much too early.  While they were not given the chance to become middle aged, I have.  Too many friends gone, leaving behind spouses and children with an empty space in their heart they will never fill, and will never heal.  We lose loved ones, such as parents and grandparents.  I have been totally without any grandparents since 2006.  I have been without my dad since 2011.  I still have my mom and I love her dearly, even when we are not getting along very well.  

Another thing that aging makes more pronounced is loneliness.  

I'm not a serial dater, and never have been.  I've had a few fellas I've kept company with over the years.  Not one of them was anything serious.  Now that I am older, I find that guys my age (or not my age) are not looking at women like me.  They are looking at the PYT's out there in tiny skirts to show off their long legs and perfect asses.  Fellas like those sorts of things.  Substance is only required after they have explored the physical side of things.  

Meanwhile, women like me continue to collect dust and bric-a-brac, counting the days that pass, wondering where exactly we lost our opportunity to have what so many others gain everyday.  We diet.  We exercise.  We improve our health, our attitude, our looks...and we still sit alone when we go out to eat.  We choose to not go to the movies because movies are no fun by yourself.  We don't go out on Saturday night because it gets depressing to watch all the PYT's striking it lucky and walking out the door with their latest conquest.

I look in the mirror.  I swear I don't feel as old as I look, and I don't look all that old.  I am a beautiful woman.  For the guys looking for tall and tiny, which seems to be all of them, I definitely am of no interest.  5 foot 3 inches most assuredly indicates that my legs are short.  Tiny skirts do not do a thing for someone like me, except maybe make me look desperate.  I may feel that way, but I certainly am not gonna be anyone's mercy fuck, lol.  Worse yet, I refuse to set myself up to be rejected time after time by men whose only interest is younger, prettier, tinier, with a rack to kill for.    

Guys will take the time to buff and polish a classic car, but have no need for a classic chick like me.  The 'boys' (and I mean any of them) want the girls that are like new cars: not a scratch on them; no flaws; no character.  The ones that purr like a kitten and have no opinions of their own.  It is angering, frustrating, humiliating.

The only recompense is that someday, those PYT's will get older too.  They will get looked over because of the new generation of teeny boppers.  I have to suppress an evil grin and a bit of a snicker.  I may not be 'getting lucky, but they won't be either. LOL!!

If men ever change their modus operandi and start looking for some actual substance, I may stand a chance.  My luck, I'll be too damn old to give a shit.

I wonder how damn accurate that average lifespan thing is.  81 yrs old seems like an incredible distance in the future.  Don't know that I'm looking forward to hanging out to my early 80's, not if I have to do it by myself.