Sunday, September 29, 2013

Feeling the love

The past year has been spent working on personal improvements.  I have lost weight.  I go to the gym.  I went back to school.  I have worked hard to find a more positive view of my life and the world around me.  

I have stepped out of my comfort zone and made friends with folks who I may never meet face to face.  They have become a vital part of these changes I have made, because they have taught me something of my self worth.  These friends have accepted me for who I am inside: my loving heart, my caring soul; my quick wit and my often smart ass attitude.  Generally speaking, they do not care that I am a forty something who has never married, does not have children and struggles occasionally with mood swings because of bipolar disorder.  Unlike many people who have physically met me, they do not look at the fact that I am a short redhead with a truckload of freckles.  They see me with the eyes of their heart.  They loved me for who I am inside before they ever knew what I looked like.  

I have come to accept these new friends and all they have offered my life.  I have been provided a unique view of myself from their perspective.  It is a perspective that I could not have by any other way.  They have shown me care and concern.  They have given me support and encouragement.  These long distance friends have shown me love in a way that I have never experienced before.  These friends have made me feel love for them unlike anything I have ever had reason to express until now.  In fact, putting that feeling into words is very difficult, because it ranges so far and wide within my very soul.  Without these virtual friends, there are times in the past year, I may very well have given up on my goals to be a better me.  Their cheerleading has kept me going when I felt like quitting, when I felt like surrendering to failure was my only option.  Their gentle prodding pushed me forward, made me continue to strive for my destination - a better, stronger, healthier me.  They have made me feel beautiful and worthy of the effort.  They have taught me to think positively and positive things will come back to me.  

Imagine my surprise when I found they were right.   

I am not saying that the friends I have close by physically view me in any way but with love.  I know they love me...they love all of me.  But their first impressions of me were built on what they saw, not what they felt.  Strangely enough, they love me anyway.  My friends close by are friends that will be with me always, of that I am certain.  Even when we do not speak for weeks or months on end, I know all I have to do is reach out.  They will be there with love and support, providing strength that only friendship can provide.  They have carried me through difficult times in the past and I know they will be there for anything new that comes up, just like I will be there for them.  I will never question their love for me.  It has been ever present and enduring, regardless of circumstance.  

Now I am able to draw strength from a new source.  I can draw on the love from a new group of friends.  Like my friends close to home, this new group of friends bring me strength and provide support.  The positive energy they send makes my world a much better place.  I can only hope they can feel the love, strength and positive energy I send out to them everyday.  

I am a very lucky woman.  I just want them to know that.  

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