Sunday, December 22, 2013

Changing attitudes

I've been thinking.  I know, for me, that's a dangerous pastime.  I have a tendency to overthink.  Thought threads run off in wildly different directions.  ANYWAY...

I've been thinking.  This year has been one of the more eventful years of my life.  I have had other eventful years.  We all have them, scattered throughout our lifetime.  Sometimes, we all (including myself) prefer years not filled with great changes.  We can't do anything about those changes except to accept them.

The short list of major changes in my life this year: lost over 100 lbs (big change); lost two of the most wonderful fur-babies I have ever had (I miss you, ShadowBug and Jessee.); went back to school to study the 'family business', criminal justice; lost my job of five years and discovered the world of extended unemployment (not fun for someone who has worked since she was about eleven years old); gained a set of grand nieces (one by blood, two by heart).  Over the course of the year, I've gained some new friends who have been very supportive of me; strengthened a few old friendships; pissed off a few family members (I'm good at that).  I've lost a friend or two over the year also, whether it was because of lack of time, lack of interest or a difference of opinion.  Those losses cut deep and went straight to my heart.  I miss those friends.  I carry them in my heart, say a prayer and send them good thoughts everyday.

One thing I've discovered is that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.  Whether it is the losses or the gains makes no difference.  I am more than I thought I was, more than I've given myself credit for being.  One of the friends that has stepped out of my life, missed as he is, made me realize that.  I can do more and be more than anyone expects.  To do that, I need only remember that I can do what I want, as I want, when I want...

It has become a "me, myself, and I" world.  I have tried to deny it but I can't anymore.  The only person who will take care me, is me.

Unlike how I have been in the past, I am going to start doing things my way, the way they need to be for me to gain the things I need and want.  My attitude may occasionally get a little harsh, but to safe guard myself, it needs to be that way.  I will not let naysayers and negativist stomp all over what I know is right for me.  The people that walk away, I won't chase after them.

If you want to see where this goes, come along for the ride.  I am quite sure it will get interesting.  I have nearly a half century under my belt.  I have spent a lot of time learning who I am.  I think maybe I have finally figured it out.  The new year will start with a new job and a new attitude.  I believe it will be amusing, amazing, freaky, fun, and maybe a little dangerous (always gets dangerous when you're poking at the "bear" of status quo).  I have "purchased" a new pair of bitch shoes, and I'm gonna put 'em on.

They're red...and sparkly...and some dippy broad had them before me but a house fell on her....

Did someone say something about flying monkeys??  Let's party, muwahahaha!!!  

No comments:

Post a Comment