Valentines Day

   

      Depressing when the only ones to wish you Happy Valentines Day are people you do not know.  LOL!  Welcome to my life!  Of course, I received multiple shares of pictures on Facebook offering well-wishes and cheery thoughts for a wonderful Valentines.  I even had a customer on the phone today wish me Happy Valentines Day, which caught me completely by surprise.  It put an immediate smile on my face, that is, until I started to see managers delivering flowers, etc., to their employees who have someone to send them pretty posies in lovely vases.  Smile gone...poof!!!

     I'm too old to have romantic notions of undying love, yet I still have them.  I think it is a genetic thing for most women.  Maybe it is the way we are trained by books, movies, magazines and all other forms of public mass media.  "Some day, my prince will come..."  Go to hell, Walt Disney princesses!!!  Right now I would be happy with a chubby bald fella in birth control glasses, as long as he was decent to me.

     I was actually brought up that there is not always a 'someone for everyone'.  I just didn't think I would be one of the poor schlubs that would get stuck being alone for all of her existence.  I read the classic grand romance novels.  I thought once that I would find my Rhett Butler, my Mr. Rochester, my Heathcliff, or, dare I say, my Sir Percy Blakney (The Scarlet Pimpernel is my FAVORITE classic romance!!)  Now I would settle for Hannibal Lecter, or Count Dracula.

     There is nothing like a holiday based on the commercialization of love and chocolate to make a girl feel very alone in this world.

     I showed them...the only red I wore was my hair.

     I can't quite wrap my heart around the fact that my entire amazing, wonderful, creative self will be wasted on just me.  No nice guy to wrap his arms around me.  No smile to greet me when I come in the door, even if the smile is because I picked up KFC for supper.  No musky funky smell to breathe in when he has been out in the yard working and makes his way back inside to wash up.  None of it...and I mean, NONE of it.  There's no part time lover thing going on here either.  At my age, I can proudly admit, I am still a virgin.  It was always a personal decision for me, as well it should have been.  I mean, that's a one time only gift you give to the gentleman you love.  Once it is given, there is no take it back.  Well hell, I forget what the fucking wrapping paper looks like, it's been so long ago that particular gift was wrapped the fuck up.

     I also thought I would have a couple rug-rats and maybe a nice house too.  Yeah, was I ever wrong.  The kid thing didn't, couldn't and will never happen...but that is probably a good thing.  I am the reason people warn others about redheads and fiery tempers.  No to the nice house too!  A two bedroom apartment (the rent is good), even though I only need the one bedroom since my buddy, T, now lives with her man, is where I call home.  I'd take on another roomie but I get a bit hinky at the thought of someone else 'gettin' busy' in my home.  And let us just say, a house of my own isn't in the cards anytime soon.

     Being middle aged and alone is truly not what I imagined for myself.  Not that I thought that there would be an English gentleman who rescues French noblemen on the sly, but I really didn't picture myself still alone and 'intact' at this age either.  Oh well, I guess he could always show up tomorrow.  With my luck, I will walk right past him and he won't even notice me.