For Bug

     A few weeks ago, I lost a huge chunk of my heart when I had to have one of my precious fur-kids put to sleep.  It has always puzzled me where they got the term 'put to sleep' from, because to me, it has always been similar to committing murder.  Unfortunately, I finally came to the realization of how the phrase came to be.

   

     ShadowBug had been my sweet soul and confidante for nearly 16 years before she became ill.  Cancer had arrived quickly, violently, forcing my hand.  To have allowed her to suffer would have been abuse.

     Her fear of a strange place, with weird smells, scary sounds and unknown people caused her adrenalin to flow freely.  Cats are not supposed to pant but difficulty breathing and sheer terror had her struggling to stay calm, so she was panting hard.  When the terrible moment came to administer the fatal injection, there was so much adrenalin in Bug's system that the shot only served to calm her and make her sleep.  The technician asked if I wanted a second injection given.  I agreed, tears rolling.  I knew there was no turning back no matter how long it took.  After the second injection, Bug's heart continued beating.  Her lungs kept moving, in and out.  One technician went for the vet, the other went the waiting room to retrieve my wonderful mom, who had come to be my support but refused to stay in the exam room as the dark deed was done.  I tried not to fall to a billion small pieces, but it was impossible.  My mother came into the room and I clung to her like I was her little girl again instead of the middle aged woman I am.

     When the second technician returned with the veterinarian, he examined Bug and determined she was in a drug induced coma.  A third injection would have to be administered.  Once that was done, it was merely moments and my feline heart was gone.

     My Bug, all 7 and a half pounds of her, took 15 minutes to make her grand entrance at the Rainbow Bridge.  The vet said the excess adrenalin in her system, and the poor circulation through her neck because of the tumor growing there, had created the interminable descent into death for my girl.

     That phrase, 'put to sleep', meant to place a polite connotation on a horrible experience for a pet owner...I fully understand it now...and I hate it even more.
 

A Pets Prayer
If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then, you must do what must be done
For this, the last battle, can't be won.
Don't let your grief stay your hand,

For this day more than the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many years,
What is to come can hold no fear.
You'd not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you'll see it is a kindness you do for me
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Don't grieve it should be you who this thing decides to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold tears.
SMILE, FOR WE WALKED TOGETHER FOR AWHILE.

Author Unknown