Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Ache of Missing

Have you ever had one of those aches that just does not go away? 
I don't mean constant physical hurt. I mean emotional hurt, something that nags at your heart and won't stop. I've been dealing with that lately. 

I know what has caused the ache. The problem is, I cannot do anything about it. It's the ache that comes from missing those you love. 

Some of those I miss, I will not see again, at least, not until I finally "shuffle off this mortal coil". I don't know who said that, I just know I love the quote. Those loved ones like Daddy, my grandparents, my nephew, friends, my four footed furry children...those that have gone on to Heaven or the Rainbow Bridge. I miss them so much some days it quite literally causes pain. The doctor says the pain is anxiety (they have a pill for that, lol). I know the pain is something not tangible, but intangible, because it is the pain of a broken heart. 

Others that I miss remain on this Earth, but for one reason or another, I do not see them or hear from them anymore. That is an indescribable hurt, a pain we have all known at some instance in our lives. The only description I can give is it feels like the jagged edges of my broken heart have dragged and scraped against the inside of my ribcage. It makes me feel hollow where my heart use to be, because the everything has been harshly scraped clean by those sharp pieces.

One in particular has left my heart truly shattered. This person has drawn away from me, though the reason is truly unknown. I could have been their strength when they needed it, when times get hard, but they have chosen to turn away from me. This person made me feel important to them and then they walked away. 

Were they afraid that I knew they had a weakness? Were they scared I wouldn't understand what they deal with, who they are? To be honest, I haven't a clue. All I do know is that by turning their back on me, they have made me feel foolish, like I am not worth the effort of even a small explanation. 

I would forgive them, for turning their back, if only they would ask. I would still be there, as a support, as the friend I promised I would always be. All they would have to do is reach out, let me know there is a place still in their life for me, even if it is only a tiny place. I do not trust easily, but I trusted them, and I got left with hurt. 

It makes it hard to trust again.  


  1. My heart aches for your very real pain, Judy. I'm so sorry people just seem to never come through. You deserve so much better.

  2. People deal with situations differently and it's easy to think what one would do if such and such happens but until it does I don't think anyone really knows how they will handle all the ups and downs. You've known grief and heartache in your lifetime and you've dealt with it the way you knew how. You are far from foolish but more like a person with a heart the size of the universe and you want all the people in your life to be ok and when you can't help them the way you know how to, it hurts and even more when they don't seem to want you to help. Never let go of that big heart of yours or those shoulders for us to lean on.