tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87362376605093653052024-03-13T04:10:41.531-04:00The Blue blood RedneckThe stories, tales and musings from the slightly twisted mind of a single woman in the prime of her life. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-14665658156953882032014-07-27T02:57:00.000-04:002014-07-27T02:57:33.929-04:00Playlists and memories<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBDDxXGfJQmq-NlVVkTGFF3-Yyhy0LSmSvgFdVOos4peTnhThLAucQDQ8HYU7ru0eY8fhD3T7IrfrbfNTLPle2sot6FCgqlxmDZpGYV7EdrvZLoTdi46yOwj-_nnDqjAecbWnRB76ye9U/s1600/Kenny-Chesney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBDDxXGfJQmq-NlVVkTGFF3-Yyhy0LSmSvgFdVOos4peTnhThLAucQDQ8HYU7ru0eY8fhD3T7IrfrbfNTLPle2sot6FCgqlxmDZpGYV7EdrvZLoTdi46yOwj-_nnDqjAecbWnRB76ye9U/s1600/Kenny-Chesney.jpg" height="320" width="274" /></a>Tonight is a Kenny Chesney night. I've been listening to the YouTube playlist. Just in one of those moods, if you know what I mean. You hear one song by an artist and you find yourself wanting more.<br />
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Something I've noticed about Kenny's songs. With most of them, there is some memory the songs kick into stirring and wandering through my mind. It's not a bad thing. It's not necessarily a good thing either. It's just a thing, the miracle of God's wondrous creation called the brain.<br />
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I remember watching cute boys on tractors (Hey! I am a pure bred country girl!), high school football games, riding in the bed of a pickup truck with friends, etc. I would guess most of us have had to be enlightened the next day about fun from the previous evening, at some point or another, right? Some of the songs make me long for the things I don't have: love; a husband; children; a house. I remember things I do have, with other songs. There are lyrics that make me miss people I will always love, people I have loved and people I thought I loved.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZuuu-_jEsG5idswdvXb4KjIY9mWQWj3lRctlgKvgScLEQtPGUYLmPXIYLmZy9i8SSQ_FuBr1nepuehsL22hnyM9b6ZOWeRwKiTreTg0TZoLOY951a8ZYRFNyl_XFNlYuKopFsp0jaDA/s1600/keep-calm-and-keep-moving-forward-9.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZuuu-_jEsG5idswdvXb4KjIY9mWQWj3lRctlgKvgScLEQtPGUYLmPXIYLmZy9i8SSQ_FuBr1nepuehsL22hnyM9b6ZOWeRwKiTreTg0TZoLOY951a8ZYRFNyl_XFNlYuKopFsp0jaDA/s1600/keep-calm-and-keep-moving-forward-9.png" height="180" width="320" /></a>Kenny's songs speak to me, but there are other artists that do the same. I have a playlist of Journey songs for when I need them. We all have that mental playlist that kicks on with the right prompts. It doesn't matter who the singer or singers may be. The key will always be, knowing they are only memories, recollections of things passed. We can't dwell in the past. If we do, we can't move forward. We should always be moving forward. There's nothing in the past but memory: good; bad or indifferent.<br />
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I miss some things from my past, but I cannot bring them with me to the future, except as part of what makes me who I am today. I can be closed off and cold, because of past pains. I have a wicked sense of humor. It's a talent I developed by learning and sharing jokes with some of the funniest people on Earth. I can be a peacemaker. I can lead and I can follow. I can smile. I can cry. I can be and will always be a survivor.<br />
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The strength of who I am today will always be in where I came from, and will grow because of where I am headed. Music keeps me balanced. Music keeps me sane. Music keeps me safe.<br />
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P.S. Don't tell my little sister, but I think I've found a new appreciation of Kenny's music. Doesn't hurt that he has a sweet tush, either...LOL!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-2769505003922745792014-06-29T17:18:00.000-04:002014-06-29T17:18:27.578-04:00Missing my humble friendPride can be dangerous. It can cause you to lose many things, including friends, family and the love we all need to survive. To me, it's a horrifying risk.<br />
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I have friends who have so much of which to be proud. I find them humble beyond words. It makes me happy to know them and to have them in my life.<br />
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I have another friend...well, truthfully, I don't know that I can call him that anymore. He has become so full of himself, sometimes I am ashamed to admit I've ever spoke to him. His heart is as big as Texas, but he is absolutely caught up in himself. No one gets to see his heart. It makes me sad.<br />
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Funny thing, try as I might, I miss the man with the heart. There was time he was sweet, kind, even humble. I guess getting most of the things you want in life can change you for the worst. The immediate loss - mine. The long term loss, in friendship, companionship and love, all his.<br />
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I keep him in my prayers. I pray he continues to be successful, but I am a little selfish when I pray for him. I pray that God will cause my old friend, with the heart, to reappear. So far, that prayer has been answered with a "not now" response. I'll keep praying that prayer. Maybe someday, I will get to meet that friend again. There is love and friendship waiting for him, when he comes back. Even if he isn't exactly like before, any portion of that former self will be a welcome change from who he has become.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw_sWOB8qolpaR5Rjx8TZePO1n2p57pxfvTkxu5PDDjUZlOQArM4nR3IvFe2L-6NKHkDn78Xc-vRmz4xCCjIBDJhNUIwqr9_btedIvzShNajgJnuhMvXTe5QZ1tPPieMr3V5jkkC5YsZc/s1600/always+shall+be.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw_sWOB8qolpaR5Rjx8TZePO1n2p57pxfvTkxu5PDDjUZlOQArM4nR3IvFe2L-6NKHkDn78Xc-vRmz4xCCjIBDJhNUIwqr9_btedIvzShNajgJnuhMvXTe5QZ1tPPieMr3V5jkkC5YsZc/s1600/always+shall+be.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a>I will be loyal to you always, and I miss you, my sweet, humble friend. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-59429841258283389682014-05-22T23:24:00.000-04:002014-05-22T23:24:52.542-04:00The Ache of Missing<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have you ever had one of those aches that just does not go away? </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't mean constant physical hurt. I mean emotional hurt, something that nags at your heart and won't stop. I've been dealing with that lately. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know what has caused the ache. The problem is, I cannot do anything about it. It's the ache that comes from missing those you love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some of those I miss, I will not see again, at least, not until I finally "shuffle off this mortal coil". I don't know who said that, I just know I love the quote. Those loved ones like Daddy, my grandparents, my nephew, friends, my four footed furry children...those that have gone on to Heaven or the Rainbow Bridge. I miss them so much some days it quite literally causes pain. The doctor says the pain is anxiety (they have a pill for that, lol). I know the pain is something not tangible, but intangible, because it is the pain of a broken heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Others that I miss remain on this Earth, but for one reason or another, I do not see them or hear from them anymore. That is an indescribable hurt, a pain we have all known at some instance in our lives. The only description I can give is it feels like the jagged edges of my broken heart have dragged and scraped against the inside of my ribcage. It makes me feel hollow where my heart use to be, because the everything has been harshly scraped clean by those sharp pieces.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One in particular has left my heart truly shattered. This person has drawn away from me, though the reason is truly unknown. I could have been their strength when they needed it, when times get hard, but they have chosen to turn away from me. This person made me feel important to them and then they walked away. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Were they afraid that I knew they had a weakness? Were they scared I wouldn't understand what they deal with, who they are? To be honest, I haven't a clue. All I do know is that by turning their back on me, they have made me feel foolish, like I am not worth the effort of even a small explanation. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6pnfs5YHle4etzZKarfI5PB_gL6VJYD6waD61kGmrpmPsZhXF7UoX9fxcE54r6qaimlkZikOmya8etTZhg1N-sSn8P9oj1uC4lKiL_ubW-lQfqxTC31vxljfJGzEpyvr8aTuZyGjcvUs/s1600/always+shall+be.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6pnfs5YHle4etzZKarfI5PB_gL6VJYD6waD61kGmrpmPsZhXF7UoX9fxcE54r6qaimlkZikOmya8etTZhg1N-sSn8P9oj1uC4lKiL_ubW-lQfqxTC31vxljfJGzEpyvr8aTuZyGjcvUs/s1600/always+shall+be.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I would forgive them, for turning their back, if only they would ask. I would still be there, as a support, as the friend I promised I would always be. All they would have to do is reach out, let me know there is a place still in their life for me, even if it is only a tiny place. I do not trust easily, but I trusted them, and I got left with hurt. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It makes it hard to trust again. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-55254729200261538152014-05-22T22:50:00.000-04:002014-05-22T22:50:07.722-04:00100% Getting Through<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Y'all know I can be an emotional basket case. I am who I am, and it is what it is. I learned a long time ago, it is useless for me to fight against my natural programming. I still try from time to time, but truth be told, I like who I am. I am a loving human being who tries desperately to shield her heart from hurt. I don't normally succeed. I've been tossed and broken by the seas of life. Then I find a life raft of some kind, climb into it and hold on tightly.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've dreamed once of meeting a sweet guy, getting married, having children and making a home. I didn't want a career or a ton of money. Maybe a part time job to supplement the household income. You know, help pay for college, weddings, baby showers - those kinds of things. I wanted comfortable, quaint and happy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got happy (for the most part). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've fought bipolar disorder. There's an occasional hitch, but basically I've won that battle. I've lost loved ones, human and animal. I had a very hard time getting through those loses, but I did. My one attempt at continuing my education was a huge flop, but I will probably try again in the future. I've never really had a career, but I have had jobs that I loved. I've never met the right guy, but keep praying he is out there, somewhere. I will never be able to have children of my own, but I've got a ton of "children" that call me Mom, Momma, Aunt, Grandma and one that calls me Nana. I live in an apartment, not a my own house...and I have a cat. (That's right, I'm the crazy cat lady in my family.) Some day I will have a place to call my own, even if it is just the plot of land my ashes get scattered on. Hopefully, someone will plant a rose bush on me. I love roses. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkMwUFmdXTn721OgwnFk8VE3ntLHytqcfuu-mFl_SVHSguf8YOIp-AecAygzhlBKLr0xAU_Jtqdja-Y-fx1FHILWXsNXa7-nCRhg_cuKitOy61X2456iN7-5mSv4bwEajVV525mhSkI4I/s1600/100%25+getting+thru.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkMwUFmdXTn721OgwnFk8VE3ntLHytqcfuu-mFl_SVHSguf8YOIp-AecAygzhlBKLr0xAU_Jtqdja-Y-fx1FHILWXsNXa7-nCRhg_cuKitOy61X2456iN7-5mSv4bwEajVV525mhSkI4I/s1600/100%25+getting+thru.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am two and a half years away from the half century mark. Lord willing, I'll see fifty and way beyond. And yes...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...I still dream of meeting Mr. Right. He should have some flaws, like me. I still hope to have someone to take care of, that will call me Mom and I really am "Mom" (or Grandma, or Nana). I still want a career. I love meeting people, resolving their problem (whatever it is) and having them walk away pleased to have met me. A house (a home) is still something I want too. Will I get these things? I don't know. It's not for me to know the answer to that question. Somebody much wiser than me is in control. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My life goal is to deal with each thing that comes: unemployment; learning a new job; illness; aging; bills that are way past Past Due...etc. When I get knocked down by something in life, I pick myself up, sometimes with the help of a friend or two (or three, or four), dust myself off and keep moving. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It isn't easy, but others have done it. Centuries filled with people have done it. So can I. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do I like doing it basically by myself? Absolutely NOT! Is it fun to travel through life pretty much alone? Pardon my language, but FUCK NO! Will I give up? I've come close on several occasions (too close a time or two), but I didn't quit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Can I see a light at the end of the tunnel? I do, but I'm not sure if it really is the other end or just the light of an oncoming train. Whatever. If I get knocked off the tracks, I'll get back up. That's what I do, </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-43538622005452856902014-04-27T19:47:00.001-04:002014-04-27T19:48:16.250-04:00Tale of a break up<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven't posted to my blog in months. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know...and I apologize. Past few months have been difficult, for a variety of reasons. There have been some major changes for me personally during these weeks away from The Blue blood Redneck. I've lost much...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">....but....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...I have found much also. I won't write of it all here, not today, maybe not ever. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My subject of choice for today is Twitter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #073763;">I made an active choice to not participate in an argument</span></b><span style="color: #141823;">.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I left Twitter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is too much hate & too much bullying on Twitter. It's like participating in a terminal case of elementary school. The majority of people on Twitter forget that bullying (cyber or not) is illegal, AND hate is destructive, not only to the person(s) the hate is directed toward, but also to the person spewing the hate. I don't need that kind of aggravation in my life...especially from people I don't know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I use to enjoy Twitter. I found out all kinds of really cool things from some of the verified accounts for wrestlers & such. More often than not, there is TOO much hatred thrown around freely on Twitter. I started to dread even pulling up my account.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let me clarify where this is coming from...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A month or so ago, a very dear friend of mine celebrated a landmark birthday. Trying to do something really awesome and cool (to us, at least), I sent a tweet request to a wrestler both of us followed, asking for a shoutout for this friend's b-day. What we got instead was rude, mean, hateful...and this was from someone that we both had admired (up to that point) for his strength of character as a person. I won't divulge anymore about the situation at this point. It doesn't deserve the rehash. This wrestler's tweet started a landslide of hate directed at my friend, myself and others who had been strong, staunch supporters of this wrestler. Needless to say - none of us support this wrestler or the person who plays the wrestler any longer. He created the situation, but did nothing to stop the situation. His 'fan' base - they made the attacks. He could have put an end to it, by just posting something that said "Stop". He didn't...and he proved his personal character by his lack of concern. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know, some will say maybe he didn't know about it. Well, unfortunately, he made it obvious that he had been very aware of the issue. In fact, he encouraged it, to build his Twitter fan base. He's trying to break some record. He took advantage of the situation, as any good self promoter is prone to do, at the expense of some really great people (including myself!!). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What made the situation even worse - I ended up losing some "friends" (fellow fans) who I thought were stronger humans than they proved to be. It made me question my own ability to see people as they are. It made me realize how gullible I can be when I look at people through my own version of rose-colored glasses. The situation has been a true wake up call for me. I need to be much more discerning with who I trust. My trust has been folded, spindled, mutilated, trounced, stomped, ground up...basically, destroyed. Yes, there's a certain amount of trust required by venting on an openly published blog. It is negligible, compared to getting close to anyone new. My friends that have been well established...they're my friends. I don't know that I will be making any new ones any time real soon. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So that's my little story. Twitter and me, we've called it quits. I might give it another try somewhere down the road...who knows? One thing I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I do not and will not subject myself to hate on a daily basis. I don't need it and I won't do it. No amount of loneliness will entice me to tolerate hatred any longer. There's too much hate in the world...too much unhappiness...too much intolerance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For me and my little world, I won't promote it. I may be guilty of hostility on occasion. I am human after all, but truth is, I won't up with accusations, slander, defamation - HATRED - directed at me, my family or my friends. If you're gonna spew nastiness and hate, do it somewhere else. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-60568228746016593972014-01-13T17:11:00.000-05:002014-01-13T17:11:55.655-05:00#RybackWillAlwaysRule<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiswwtn-V-2o4JaYguT0hJAtjaiAZ1lw_bqWAcT6DHzt0j-EkTge9qQ8hT2LAdeMO38CwUCxRXYPvjsh2krePK47YRBRn4PI2c1hKjUynNkbmkY0Lp5b_RMyJvhSGG-VNTizV7vBJtOkU0/s1600/Ryan+-+black+singlet+from+wwemag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiswwtn-V-2o4JaYguT0hJAtjaiAZ1lw_bqWAcT6DHzt0j-EkTge9qQ8hT2LAdeMO38CwUCxRXYPvjsh2krePK47YRBRn4PI2c1hKjUynNkbmkY0Lp5b_RMyJvhSGG-VNTizV7vBJtOkU0/s320/Ryan+-+black+singlet+from+wwemag.jpg" width="226" /></a>It was an aggravating weekend. Not because of anything that happened to me, mind you...but aggravating all the same. Anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows I am a professional wrestling fan, a particularly devoted fan of the wrestler known as Ryback. Hell, my last blog was devoted to drooling over a selfie he posted of his abs...<br />
<br />
Yeah, I'm a fan.<br />
<br />
This weekend was a roller coaster for Ryan Reeves fans. Ryan Reeves, the man who plays Ryback in the ring. His Twitter account was very active this weekend. Rumors are rampant that his account was hacked, that he was fired, that he quit...and of course, SOP for his account, it was tweet and delete. Unless you were on Twitter when the tweets went out, chances are you didn't see them unless another fan retweeted them before deletion. Otherwise, as most WWE fans know, there's a running history of Superstar tweets on the WWE website. If you are interested, you can read the tweets <a href="http://www.wwe.com/superstars/ryback">here</a>.<br />
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I'm not sure what to make of the rampage of tweets. The rumors are raging around the dirt sheets, online rags and legit wrestling news sites. Nothing official has been announced by the WWE. My opinion, best to wait on the official word from the company. If I had to guess, my hope would be a big build up to a new high mark in Ryan's career. Am I right? Am I wrong? I do not know. What I do know, I have been a fan, devoted and hardcore, since the first time I saw Ryan on RAW in 2012. He made his debut as Ryback a few weeks earlier on SmackDown, but RAW was the big deal. The live show. The match was over quickly. He wrestled a pair of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9B909JrJV8">jobbers</a>, and finished them off with his signature move, Shell Shock.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15zILjcrjEZegGwjD9hkjWDfKZ15wqk534VPgibXQL5LfTWdToGMlEL6JESpte6Fqn1F8IIFraN-Nt5xlVKXO106GNPY3KQ_nQhueY1ceXMdl7SJVAGIcgTjYAAdv6sbeiJFoMyPf8Aw/s1600/RAW_1073_Photo_114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15zILjcrjEZegGwjD9hkjWDfKZ15wqk534VPgibXQL5LfTWdToGMlEL6JESpte6Fqn1F8IIFraN-Nt5xlVKXO106GNPY3KQ_nQhueY1ceXMdl7SJVAGIcgTjYAAdv6sbeiJFoMyPf8Aw/s320/RAW_1073_Photo_114.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
If the tweets were a hack, it's just another in the long line of asshole moves by someone who has targeted the Big Guy for harassment. He has drawn the ire of many a WWE Universe fan because he isn't like all the others. It's a well known fact that the matches are scripted. Wrestlers know who will win and know basically what moves they will perform during the match. That being said, as with all things, the matches are not perfect. There will be errors, and all of the wrestlers make them. But for some reason, Ryan has always seemed to be a target of the internet wrestling critics (IWC). I don't give a damn about what they think. I have watched enough wrestling to know that shit happens, and there ain't a single wrestler on the roster that doesn't botch. So the IWC can STFU!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL00frX1gJI7xpUizAWKDzaqBJmsTvE8OU0fhEd4dwMlqIOgAQf8cwChRLAE2KZEuCj5aYQhdwzkkbfXl4d1CtJs3k-iuYF0NJ6seyeC-fz5UgkIC-tlZ7suOFMAlsbz7UZUV8mbpMdXA/s1600/big+guy+big+guns+india.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL00frX1gJI7xpUizAWKDzaqBJmsTvE8OU0fhEd4dwMlqIOgAQf8cwChRLAE2KZEuCj5aYQhdwzkkbfXl4d1CtJs3k-iuYF0NJ6seyeC-fz5UgkIC-tlZ7suOFMAlsbz7UZUV8mbpMdXA/s1600/big+guy+big+guns+india.jpg" /></a>If the tweets are a build up by the company to add to Ryan's fan base before the next big thing happens in his career, it's working. He's now at nearly 900k followers on Twitter. On the official Facebook page, he has a little over 200k followers. Do I think it's a build up? I sure as hell hope so. The WWE has not been very kind to the Ryback character since fall of 2012. They have had him lose all but two pay per view matches, both at Money in the Bank (one year apart). The company has used him to put over several newer wrestlers, namely The Shield; turned him heel (bad guy); paired him with a manager that's sneaky, evil, underhanded, etc.; separated him from the manager after another big ppv loss; paired him with a not so bad up and coming wrestler in a lamely named tag team. Now this latest 'drama', for lack of a better word...the interest has been stirred up for Ryback again but so much of it is negative. I suppose publicity is publicity. Real fans of the character (and the person) are tired of watching the company misuse someone they know has more talent, skill and strength than a majority of the roster. We know that Ryan has devoted his entire life to reaching the WWE, and we keep hoping that all of this seeming "abuse" will lead to a remarkable run as the guy to beat. Right now, that does not seem to be happening. I can only imagine, as frustrated as we feel, he has to be feeling that way too, no matter how positive he may be.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayAOYr2hDpX1Be4EArJvPgk77weN7x4FbvAIcAmosn9jYTilz2B6JQhTZrhvgPxfkipM0I1xgp-2_6eL6X9Zek-cgJITAQxFws-aezXQpU629H-YNvAQz_0EKyxlPpt0HQrF4m_wpqag/s1600/Ryan+tough+enough.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayAOYr2hDpX1Be4EArJvPgk77weN7x4FbvAIcAmosn9jYTilz2B6JQhTZrhvgPxfkipM0I1xgp-2_6eL6X9Zek-cgJITAQxFws-aezXQpU629H-YNvAQz_0EKyxlPpt0HQrF4m_wpqag/s320/Ryan+tough+enough.jpg" width="126" /></a>Which brings me to the last possibility...maybe he has gotten tired of the bullshit, and has decided to quit. From the interviews and other information on Ryan, I have a hard time believing that he would quit. The WWE has been his lifelong goal. He got there. He has had a tough time of it recently, but I really can't imagine him giving it up without a good reason. He knew going into the WWE that the scripts don't always go in your favor. He would have been prepared for that and for stall periods in his career. Unless something really drastic has happened, I tend to think that the "quitting" part, well, that's just a yank on the chain of the fanbase. Besides, why would he have bragged about a new shirt design and new action figures in the works, if he was done with the company? <br />
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Do I really know anything? No. I am an observer only, making guesses till the real word comes down from the company. Anything said here - strictly my opinion. I have no secret sources, none of that shit. I'm a fan who now waits to see what will happen next. Having the fans anxiously waiting, probably the whole point behind this past weekend's activity. Ryan tweeted he arrived at the location for RAW tonight. If he had quit, would he really be there? I mean, being the East Coast, cold, wet, dreary...and he's from out west, from somewhere the sun tends to shine often?? Again, I suppose it's wait and see.<br />
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Meantime, I will once again declare myself a rabid, devoted, hardcore, completely infatuated fan of Ryan Reeves and his wrestling character, Ryback. I have been a fan for two years, and will continue to be a fan, regardless of where his career takes him. Far as I'm concerned, #RybackWillAlwaysRule!! <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-23318880978557900522014-01-11T18:51:00.000-05:002014-01-13T17:16:01.031-05:00Ryback Abs <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LylNDFTKjoC0MItwq02-KDVHUza8l1dPHFCce18-68dc9lFjqR7cNivsl9oK7gg8rh6Kqau_nSw5xgRIF6vAw2KdAICHFvnjNkQ8sVl81f1lTIpSdkKCuFYtbHV1_GFflKsJkKFUhao/s1600/ryan's+abs+selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LylNDFTKjoC0MItwq02-KDVHUza8l1dPHFCce18-68dc9lFjqR7cNivsl9oK7gg8rh6Kqau_nSw5xgRIF6vAw2KdAICHFvnjNkQ8sVl81f1lTIpSdkKCuFYtbHV1_GFflKsJkKFUhao/s1600/ryan's+abs+selfie.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ryan Reeves' (Ryback) ab selfie</td></tr>
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Okay...wanna throw my brain into a total shutdown?? Send my hormones into overdrive?? Have Ryan Reeves post some more selfies of his rock hard, fuckin' sexy self on Twitter!! Let's just say, every single ounce of me that is female (and I am all female), came to attention. <br />
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Sorry folks!! That man can cause me to become an immediate puddle of mush!! He is absolute physical perfection, as far as I'm concerned. At the risk of sounding extremely trashy and crass...Ryback causes this woman to have some serious 'moisture' issues. I could just start at whatever spot he would pick and have fun for days on end, lmao!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLuLgOU-HimqyH0xZJk48cDmrc0d8aAJKUeXFN53ULl9PXtWygd6coSwl4nH0kmk9SAf82hSAaJOBX_ThFikSQ9CtNIo11ffDNjcfFTmu0LLpxcCYlK6Ltv5T_3E9C1aw6SHHP7sNzaM/s1600/ryan's+abs+cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLuLgOU-HimqyH0xZJk48cDmrc0d8aAJKUeXFN53ULl9PXtWygd6coSwl4nH0kmk9SAf82hSAaJOBX_ThFikSQ9CtNIo11ffDNjcfFTmu0LLpxcCYlK6Ltv5T_3E9C1aw6SHHP7sNzaM/s1600/ryan's+abs+cropped.jpg" width="215" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cropped version</td></tr>
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Yes...he makes feel very 'randy'!! Not gonna apologize for being a healthy woman with an actual sex drive. <br />
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I keep that part of me very well controlled, trust me. Ryback makes that control a bit difficult. Let's just say - if I ever got to meet him, we'd both be very happy...lol! <br />
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Listen, I'm old enough to know what I want, and have sufficient knowledge to make that happen under the right circumstances. <br />
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Believe me...I know 'this' is not gonna happen. I'm a face in the crowd of millions as far as he is concerned. It's fun to daydream, but daydreaming is all it is...a nice little fantasy to keep me warm on a cold day. <br />
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I do have to wonder...will Ryan ever post selfies of his marvelous titanium ass (because he is way beyond buns of steel!!)?? Mmmmm!!!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-55797937659693575902014-01-05T06:30:00.000-05:002014-01-05T07:48:50.346-05:00My brain and spring concertsFunny as hell, how our brains work. The connections from one thing to another. Though seemingly random, somehow our gray matter finds a link. POP, you've got one memory, trailing after another, even if they are not actually associated except in your mind.<br />
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I have been mulling over the fact winter has truly begun here in the cold but beautiful mid Atlantic state of Pennsylvania. Last time I checked the thermometer, it was a chilling 19 degrees outside...brrrrr!! Not the kind of weather this woman enjoys, except as a good excuse to cuddle up with a handsome man. Normally, it's just Tink the cat that gets cuddled, lol! <br />
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ANYWHO...<br />
<br />
Thinking about how cold it is got me thinking about how long it is till spring. Of course, it's a little less than a month till that notorious rodent in Punxsutawney will prognosticate the arrival of spring. Love old wives tales...not! As I thought about spring, I began to think about budding trees, flowers, allergies, the arrival of baseball (Go Birds!!), and then wildly jumped to our high school spring choral concerts. See what I mean about how those synapses fire oddly??<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9FtwBip3XIQ-54xwhWTSz3sxdAIerWHYVdxtvYTX0UawyySyYafmeHRtsaMxHwmHXlxoHtD4Cajf4MCT4hbjT44G6tivA6O12XdVmeaRYzlmEfjAi2IReY8qgIjG8OfQOI51VE9g5ag/s1600/Ears+for+the+soul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9FtwBip3XIQ-54xwhWTSz3sxdAIerWHYVdxtvYTX0UawyySyYafmeHRtsaMxHwmHXlxoHtD4Cajf4MCT4hbjT44G6tivA6O12XdVmeaRYzlmEfjAi2IReY8qgIjG8OfQOI51VE9g5ag/s320/Ears+for+the+soul.jpg" width="320" /></a>Our school choral concerts, back in the day, were a hoot - at least, they were for me. I think any true vocal geek will agree. The hubbub of preparing, especially if you were a senior, was fun but hard work and kind of bittersweet. At that point, you have been through three years of prep for various musical programs, most, both vocal and instrumental. By the time I hit high school, I was strictly a vocalist. Not that I didn't enjoy instrumental music, but lets be honest, chicks playing brass instruments like trumpet and french horn...not cool! I had self esteem issues anyway, being a redhead with a boat load of freckles and a penchant to cry. Being in choir and band, nah...I eliminated at least a little bit of harassment fodder by quitting band. Besides, I had (and still have) some serious vocal talent, but my instrumental capabilities were limited. I would never have made first chair. I was good at what I stuck with, singing. A four octave range, nothing to sneeze at. Have to thank my daddy for that talent. <br />
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One of the things I loved about being in our vocal programs was sitting in on the daily rehearsals for the men's chorus, called The Tribe. Our school mascot is a Native American, so The Tribe. They had a repertoire of songs, serious and silly. While my brain was doing its random bouncing among memories, I started thinking about some of the songs The Tribe sang, like their theme song Brothers, Sing On. I have now had snippets of that song, and several others, ricocheting about in my skull.<br />
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I sat in the choir room while they rehearsed, learning the words, learning the parts and singing along. The choir director, a jovial fella named Mr. Kowallis, would look at me and smile, unless we were in concert prep mode, then he would give me a stern glare, and I'd shut up. Always one of my favorite teachers, I definitely did not want him unhappy with me. By the time I was a senior, I could blend my voice in with the guys. Mr. K. never noticed I was singing along unless he saw my mouth was moving. The guys who sang bass, who were seated in the area next to where the first sopranos sat (and I was a first soprano), would laugh at me for trying to hit their notes. I had/have a really good range, but not that good, lmao!!<br />
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The tenors didn't sit too far away, so I would sing the tenor part to their bass, and we had a blast. Mr. K. got to where he had me sing the tenor part for them so they would hear how he wanted it done. I think I did that twice. Solos were something I was use to by then. I had a solo in every concert from my sophomore year to my senior year. Like I said, I'm a vocal geek.<br />
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Another song that has been bopping around cheerfully in my head is the song Five Foot Two. I always snickered when the guys would sing that one. I was (and am) five foot two and three quarter inches. Only problem, I don't have "eyes of blue" but I still love the song. They also sang The Ballad of Lizzie Borden. You know, "Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died, and they got his daughter Lizzie on the charge of homicide." Five Foot Two and Lizzie Borden were always crowd pleasers, and they got sung at two of the three spring concerts I participated in. I still know most of the words to both songs. Sad but true, and fun. The guys loved performing them.<br />
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The reason for this ramble down memory lane is complicatedly simple. Our brains are a remarkable piece of engineering. Whether you believe it happened over eons (NOT!) or at the beckoning of a benevolent God (YES!), our brain is amazing. I've always been fascinated by how our mind works, and how things like sights, sounds and smells can trigger a reverie of glory or horror for us. Things like using picture associations, mnemonics and mental lists to remember things, all possible because our how finely tuned our brains can be. We are a wonder, an amazement, a piece of marvelous handiwork from an all powerful Creator. He has given us so much, and there isn't any of it that we deserve, contrary to popular belief. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8NpTnpccEFVXWMFTjIh7DdiouchkzP8UswmqfGR6bkfNRVxTGZAUBYgnUgd8uZtMv87WXDcCDVs_OtZ3LkpP32mMOgbEemym_OYjzYaGzBiPhBgH6rIk0pfhOounXi_gybWAYtliMnUw/s1600/Do+penguins+have+knees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8NpTnpccEFVXWMFTjIh7DdiouchkzP8UswmqfGR6bkfNRVxTGZAUBYgnUgd8uZtMv87WXDcCDVs_OtZ3LkpP32mMOgbEemym_OYjzYaGzBiPhBgH6rIk0pfhOounXi_gybWAYtliMnUw/s320/Do+penguins+have+knees.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
I am so grateful to have the abilities that I have: writing; singing; feeling and giving love...so much to give and to share. These are things that make me happy, and that's the whole point, to be happy - to make others happy. It's a new year. It's a return to the things that please me, that give me joy, and pleasure. 2014, just a few days old, and already I feel that this may be the year I've been waiting on for the last few years. I feel like something good is gonna happen. I'm gonna keep working on the attitude I have, so that when the good arrives, I recognize it. <br />
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When it does arrive, look out world!<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-39817817409239198852014-01-03T06:34:00.003-05:002014-01-03T06:34:38.175-05:00No joking matter<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXH7XGpsf6-TRPJqEOKm6fEYg92seLsHJ7wWGLpnkWKeRVzHhjHTEoKCKyob8WssCIB1RrTrrfot-1IxPxJKDj5S7aENV8SMTRELCRGDedVKNXQrZIjgLNQu4IErRJaXthhSFXhFiXNA/s1600/Stop+light.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXH7XGpsf6-TRPJqEOKm6fEYg92seLsHJ7wWGLpnkWKeRVzHhjHTEoKCKyob8WssCIB1RrTrrfot-1IxPxJKDj5S7aENV8SMTRELCRGDedVKNXQrZIjgLNQu4IErRJaXthhSFXhFiXNA/s320/Stop+light.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/diagnoses-health-problems-stop-saying_n_4469035.html">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/diagnoses-health-problems-stop-saying_n_4469035.html</a><br />
<br />
I'm not one to typically support Huffington Post. They are way too liberal for me normally (I am an independent thinker, but tend to be kinda conservative). A friend of mine posted this link on Facebook yesterday. Once I read the article, I knew I had to blog it. <br />
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The disorders, illnesses, syndromes that this article talks about are very real. I deal with several of the issues personally: bipolar disorder; chronic depression; anxiety and migraines. I've dealt with them all of my adult life. None of them are anything to make light of. <br />
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Folks that casually throw these terms around tend to send me up a wall. <br />
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Being bipolar is not regretting an impromptu decision. Being depressed is not just being down about having to do something you don't care to do. Having issues with anxiety is not just being nervous about something. Migraines DEFINITELY are not just a bad headache.<br />
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I could keep going, maybe write about how each of these issues affect my life. I won't now, but I think I will devote some future posts to how each one has affected and changed my existence. <br />
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Trust me...if you were ever to be on the receiving end of one of my hyper manic aggressive tirades, you would not be so quick to throw out the word 'bipolar' because you decided you didn't like your new hair color after all. Wanting to sleep in a little is nothing like having no will to get out of bed because of chronic depression. And migraines are pure agony for anyone who has suffered from them as I do. I have family and friends who suffer through them also. They are no joke, in any way. <br />
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If you are one of the people that abuses these terms - STOP IT!! STOP IT NOW!! It's okay to kid, or joke, but keep in mind that there are real sufferers of these disorders. There are people whose lives are unalterably affected because they or a loved one must survive these problems daily. Use your head for something more than a hat rack. Think about what you are going to say, write, post or tweet before you do it. Just casually using one of these terms can feel like a suplex from the top rope to someone who must live with these issues.<br />
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Okay, I'll climb down from my soapbox for now. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-22960227750973347272014-01-02T13:45:00.000-05:002014-01-02T13:45:54.154-05:00Goals, not resolutionsIt is a new year. The last one, had it's moments. <div>
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I am looking forward to having the best year ever. I know there will be joy, sadness, celebrations, disappointments, fun and boredom...all the things that make this LIFE. I have decided it is all in the attitude whether or not I concentrate on the positive events or the negative events. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVS3k3qunbTk_xISxY2_beYonVoaHk3F2ktbhyKkOsOhhwhZkYrhU0Pi6Yq9tkWZFNSUOUt_v51M_myMglFsvvuSjonJFraJnZzNDE5zGDxefkFTWdp2W4WnYw8vr7x6fAdEAw_ORMFM/s1600/new+year+fresh+new+year.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVS3k3qunbTk_xISxY2_beYonVoaHk3F2ktbhyKkOsOhhwhZkYrhU0Pi6Yq9tkWZFNSUOUt_v51M_myMglFsvvuSjonJFraJnZzNDE5zGDxefkFTWdp2W4WnYw8vr7x6fAdEAw_ORMFM/s320/new+year+fresh+new+year.jpg" width="320" /></a>Starting out with a new job on the close horizon, new classes to do while I work on my associates degree...just two of the things I am anxious to get started on. I've got my ongoing self improvement project to work on - getting to my weight loss goal is the big one, but also working the decreased me into some kind of fit shape. </div>
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I've also decided to stop dyeing my hair, at least for a while. I've earned the gray hair that I see when I look at my roots, LOL! Maybe not the way most women earn them, but I've earned them all the same. Part of my new attitude is to simply accept who I am and do what I need to make myself happy. Being happy is a choice, after all. <br />
If I have to dye my hair to be accepted by anyone, well, then they don't deserve to be in my life. But if I want to dye my hair for myself, then I will. </div>
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I am forty seven years old. I've fought against the fact I am nearly fifty for a few years. I am not going to fight any longer. I am going to revel in it. No, I'm not impressed that there are things I haven't accomplished yet. As long as I am here, I'm going to start enjoying what I have accomplished, while I continue to work on doing some of the other things I want to do. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiGKzanbX-Qlb45T0VvS8zsrTY5koRzjXyLEm9xhb_2xH6QmBp5gt4YyDRSmMddX4Le10icz9fFddi2XzbCgLxg-q2Vtuib-kfw314ukOdagyV1IuOvjYg1IjhXSOpfj831L0RMbM9c8/s1600/Be+yourself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiGKzanbX-Qlb45T0VvS8zsrTY5koRzjXyLEm9xhb_2xH6QmBp5gt4YyDRSmMddX4Le10icz9fFddi2XzbCgLxg-q2Vtuib-kfw314ukOdagyV1IuOvjYg1IjhXSOpfj831L0RMbM9c8/s320/Be+yourself.jpg" width="319" /></a>I cannot keep pissing and moaning about what I don't have. I need to start celebrating what I do have. I have a clear mind, good health, and family & friends that love me. Okay, so I'm still single. Whatever!! No, I don't have children. Truth be told, till recently, that wasn't a big deal. Now I realize some of what I have missed out on. Just because I physically cannot have children of my own doesn't mean I can't be a mom. I've been called Mom since high school. Maybe when I am in a more stable place financially, I will look into adopting or something like that. Maybe I'll get involved with a Big Sister program, who knows? Or, I'll just go to the shelter, acquire another cat and be a mom that way. </div>
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There is so much that is possible. It is just a matter of putting the work into it. Okay, I can do that. I know it has to be in steps. I get a little overwhelmed if I try to do too much at once. I'm a multitasker but I know my limits. So, step by step it will be. </div>
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First step, back to the gym; back to school; quit smoking; start the job. Second step will be whatever I decide it to be. I'm not there yet. </div>
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Contrary to past complaints, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, it is the train...and I have to move off the track for it to pass. But the shine I see is normally the light of reaching a goal. I need to remember that. No, it won't all be easy. Yes, I may complain. I'm going to keep moving, watching that patch of light get bigger and brighter. </div>
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Hello 2014 - put up your dukes. I'm here to fight. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-995700496916051262014-01-02T08:39:00.000-05:002014-01-02T08:39:09.021-05:00Introducing Odds and Evans...<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCtiTXFMVm_InBU7WaaS8v9d2D_FJ8sah5r4YASC0QSZ_JWRkcUmvaQEKMDiI2d_SIoCVozxiWm4JUsp1AFT1Y-OfZ2LV5CaXCW0cbZNn17fuHIvhCAw10ZJB4h0SgmJ0QOGakSx3eNmU/s1600/Odds+and+Evans.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCtiTXFMVm_InBU7WaaS8v9d2D_FJ8sah5r4YASC0QSZ_JWRkcUmvaQEKMDiI2d_SIoCVozxiWm4JUsp1AFT1Y-OfZ2LV5CaXCW0cbZNn17fuHIvhCAw10ZJB4h0SgmJ0QOGakSx3eNmU/s320/Odds+and+Evans.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.oddsandevans.com/" style="font-size: medium; text-align: start;">http://www.oddsandevans.com/</a></td></tr>
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The link is to a new blog and website full of all kinds of good things. It was created and is operated by my 'niece', Amanda. She has been a part of my life since before she was born. She is a bright, beautiful, amazing human being, a happy wife and a young mom. Manny is sharing what she is learning about living life in this crazy world from a young woman's point of view. From what I've seen, looks as though she will be using the site to pick up suggestions and help from those around her too. <br />
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Please go check out her sites. She has a Twitter account, a Facebook page and I think she's even on Pinterest. Manny has DIY projects, recipes, things for living green and lean, etc. Give her some love, my friends. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-74761119260596911282013-12-31T07:54:00.000-05:002014-01-01T10:44:13.986-05:00Good riddance, 2013!! Hello 2014!!!<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Writer's note: </span>Stick with me on this one, okay??<br />
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I am glad that at midnight tonight, 2013 is over. In total this year, I've had about 4 good months, and they weren't even strung together. I've lost two fur-babies this year. My cats are my kids because I was not blessed with my own human children. I lost my job, and didn't find another till December. (The new job does not start till mid January.) One of my best friends was diagnosed with lymphoma. I've had two failed attempts at quitting smoking. (Yes, I've been smoking again for about 2 months.) A few other things happened over the year, but they do not need to be discussed here. In general, it's been a stressful, sort of crappy year. Try as I might, I've had a hard time being positive about these things.<br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">BUT...</span></i></b><br />
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...the year was not a total bust. The months that were good, were really good!! I know that, and remarkably enough, I am able to celebrate that fact. In the past, that would not have even been in my range of thought.<br />
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Though I been very lax since Thanksgiving with my diet, I'm still a whole hell of a lot lighter than I was at the beginning of 2013. I allowed myself a few too many Christmas cookies (my mom's icebox cookies are the BOMB!), some peanut butter fudge, pumpkin spice cake (with a rocking cream cheese icing), and poor man's cake (loaded with raisins & nuts but also white processed flour & white processed sugar - like most of the other goodies I've listed). Oh yeah, and some mashed potatoes...I love mashed potatoes with real butter. I didn't pig out on any of them. They are a few things for which I have a huge weakness (which is why I avoid them). Without doing the needed exercise to make sure they didn't stay longer than the digestive tract required, they have made themselves at home. <br />
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In fact, I haven't been to the gym much recently. That WILL change. I am the only one that can pick my lazy butt up and go to the gym. I need to do it. I want to do it...but my will to do it has been inexcusably weak. It made me feel better. The exercise kept my weight loss moving forward. I don't want to go in reverse. I am way better off than where I was last year this time, even with the slide backwards. BUT...I definitely deserve better than where I am at right now.<br />
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I did find a new job after being exited from my last one. Finding the job may have taken longer than I expected but it is different from what I've done before. I have to believe the reason it took so long is because all the other jobs weren't right for me, even though most of them were in areas where I have experience.<br />
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I took advantage of the unemployment time to start back to school. That has not been as easy as I thought it would be. I actually have to work for good grades. Maybe once I get the degree, a better job will be possible. But the one I'm starting in January has the potential to be a real career and a true money maker. If that happens, I will stick with it. Those things are important when you are in my advancing maturity (Baahahahahaha!!).<br />
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I made some really great new friends, reconnected with some lost friends, and strengthened bonds with some old friends. They have all put up with my struggle to try and get on a happier, more positive course for my life. My positive/negative moods switch back forth very quickly some days. I have more trouble staying positive than my wonderful friends have putting up with my mood swings, it seems. God bless them. <br />
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My best friend with lymphoma, well, she's kind of become a hero for me. She was really listening to me during my ongoing attempt to become a better, more positive person. When that awful diagnosis came, she was ready for it. She's kicking lymphoma's ass and not taking names. She's got a fabulous attitude. She's even made a change in her diet in an effort to fight as seriously as possible. She's becoming my example of how I would like to find myself looking at life. I don't want to get cancer to make it happen.<br />
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Which brings me to my failed attempts to quit smoking. It's such an easy bad habit to slip into for me. It's been my crutch for way longer than I care to remember. But my hero bf, she quit. She smoked as long I have. I AM going to quit. I plan on making it happen once I start working. The new schedule will be a big help. I will have to develop new habits. That might as well be one of them. <br />
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I still miss my babies, ShadowBug and Jessee. That I cannot change. They were a large part of my existence for nearly two decades. At the end, 'Bug and Jess were both very sick. It broke my heart to do it, but I let them go where they needed to be, the Rainbow Bridge. I know they are waiting for me. I fully believe that the good Lord is keeping an eye on them for me. I still have my littlest baby, Tink. She's become my heart and soul. Since it seems no one wants all the love I have in my heart, I give it to her. I haven't added a new baby to the household. I don't think I am ready for another fur-baby. That will be a decision for another time, when I'm on better financial footing. A shelter cat or feral kitten will be very happy to meet me, someday in the future.<br />
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In total sincerity, and with very little sarcasm...I say good riddance and be gone! You had your moments of fun, but I'm very seriously done with you, 2013. I'm glad you're over. <br />
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Happy New Year, my friends! May your heart and family be blessed in the coming year with all the joy and love you richly deserve. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-5681236298020355172013-12-31T06:08:00.000-05:002013-12-31T06:09:31.724-05:00My apology to VirginiaI owe an apology to my friend in Virginia. She knows why. I'm not airing that out here. I am apologizing. I don't want you to think that you being upset means nothing me, because it means everything. You are my friend and you don't have to be my friend. <br />
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I was short with you and I shouldn't have been. You were trying to help. I can't take back how inept I was and I can't make up for it. I do truly feel bad about my harsh words, my abbreviated manner and my lack of clarity. That was not your fault...none it was. I was an asshole, and a bitch.<br />
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From the bottom my heart, Sis, I am very sorry. I can't say anything more than that...except, I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-73889007738576508852013-12-25T04:05:00.000-05:002013-12-25T04:40:22.056-05:00CHRISTMAS WISHES<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ME!! </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-28668548158090125772013-12-22T05:28:00.001-05:002013-12-22T05:28:05.557-05:00Changing attitudes<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4BRm_nbDF_Lp7gJLtNJrxq-jefM0tc6AqPuTR-QC_TWG0JfMt7Vu27VnQ8-g_GG4EsLYE63gr6DiI6Ln4XcQcD6LxXN3f2sB1t28kYjli_-h2a17jVH-dxUzwBf32y6DkdO9BDLiWTM/s1600/At+me,+I+am+perfection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4BRm_nbDF_Lp7gJLtNJrxq-jefM0tc6AqPuTR-QC_TWG0JfMt7Vu27VnQ8-g_GG4EsLYE63gr6DiI6Ln4XcQcD6LxXN3f2sB1t28kYjli_-h2a17jVH-dxUzwBf32y6DkdO9BDLiWTM/s320/At+me,+I+am+perfection.jpg" width="213" /></a>I've been thinking. I know, for me, that's a dangerous pastime. I have a tendency to overthink. Thought threads run off in wildly different directions. ANYWAY...<br />
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I've been thinking. This year has been one of the more eventful years of my life. I have had other eventful years. We all have them, scattered throughout our lifetime. Sometimes, we all (including myself) prefer years not filled with great changes. We can't do anything about those changes except to accept them. <br />
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The short list of major changes in my life this year: lost over 100 lbs (big change); lost two of the most wonderful fur-babies I have ever had (I miss you, ShadowBug and Jessee.); went back to school to study the 'family business', criminal justice; lost my job of five years and discovered the world of extended unemployment (not fun for someone who has worked since she was about eleven years old); gained a set of grand nieces (one by blood, two by heart). Over the course of the year, I've gained some new friends who have been very supportive of me; strengthened a few old friendships; pissed off a few family members (I'm good at that). I've lost a friend or two over the year also, whether it was because of lack of time, lack of interest or a difference of opinion. Those losses cut deep and went straight to my heart. I miss those friends. I carry them in my heart, say a prayer and send them good thoughts everyday.<br />
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One thing I've discovered is that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. Whether it is the losses or the gains makes no difference. I am more than I thought I was, more than I've given myself credit for being. One of the friends that has stepped out of my life, missed as he is, made me realize that. I can do more and be more than anyone expects. To do that, I need only remember that I can do what I want, as I want, when I want...<br />
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It has become a "me, myself, and I" world. I have tried to deny it but I can't anymore. The only person who will take care me, is me.<br />
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Unlike how I have been in the past, I am going to start doing things my way, the way they need to be for me to gain the things I need and want. My attitude may occasionally get a little harsh, but to safe guard myself, it needs to be that way. I will not let naysayers and negativist stomp all over what I know is right for me. The people that walk away, I won't chase after them. <br />
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If you want to see where this goes, come along for the ride. I am quite sure it will get interesting. I have nearly a half century under my belt. I have spent a lot of time learning who I am. I think maybe I have finally figured it out. The new year will start with a new job and a new attitude. I believe it will be amusing, amazing, freaky, fun, and maybe a little dangerous (always gets dangerous when you're poking at the "bear" of status quo). I have "purchased" a new pair of bitch shoes, and I'm gonna put 'em on. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/QWfZ5SZZ4xE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe>They're red...and sparkly...and some dippy broad had them before me but a house fell on her....<br />
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Did someone say something about flying monkeys?? Let's party, muwahahaha!!! <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-64179753092225239742013-12-18T17:43:00.000-05:002013-12-18T17:43:25.339-05:00The road back to Positive<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezc-FzZkngY0BsJtcOaNwJRD658uUnr9eagn1L9Y4zIh7JQ2sgq5m9nTqbhT0ipKTyVGs8728oGBN3s8MIgeKF7qo6m8VYTbrFx2wE389DTJW58uQOt5k3_t817kQV9oNiary9SU8cnA/s1600/Woman+not+in+crowd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezc-FzZkngY0BsJtcOaNwJRD658uUnr9eagn1L9Y4zIh7JQ2sgq5m9nTqbhT0ipKTyVGs8728oGBN3s8MIgeKF7qo6m8VYTbrFx2wE389DTJW58uQOt5k3_t817kQV9oNiary9SU8cnA/s320/Woman+not+in+crowd.jpg" width="320" /></a>Gotten over my blues...and feeling a bit more like my positive self these last few days. Part of that may be due to the fact that I will finally be starting a new job on January 20th. HALLELUJAH!!! I got one of my requested Christmas gifts. Highly doubt I'll get the other, but hey, why look a gift horse in the mouth, right? <br />
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Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't think I deserve the other "request" but my luck when it comes to that particular "requested" item is not good. Well, it is what it is. If being single is the direction I am to remain in, I'll deal with it. Not like it's something new. I had hoped my change in attitude would help in that department too. Hey, it's the season for miracles...so it still might happen. Who knows, right?<br />
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Also adding a little bit of bounce to my step is the fact that the highly anticipated birth of my newest niece, a grand niece, finally occurred on December 13th. Yep, Friday the 13th is the day she arrived. Out of respect for that section of my family, I won't provide any other details other than she is healthy and adorable. I hope I get to meet her sometime. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVxcKPMIj2QovhJbI2h64v4tEcL3OqmZWJAfMNZD7scv-3dYKNzfnpdwkxuZ2PvkCmUO-VCvVTu7nmTJ7d6fBUa8lNTha6H6Qu7tF1u6UrpZwxXjA9uF4FHPMuf-uoqGCdO5aDtKSLLgQ/s1600/accept,+confidence,+fear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVxcKPMIj2QovhJbI2h64v4tEcL3OqmZWJAfMNZD7scv-3dYKNzfnpdwkxuZ2PvkCmUO-VCvVTu7nmTJ7d6fBUa8lNTha6H6Qu7tF1u6UrpZwxXjA9uF4FHPMuf-uoqGCdO5aDtKSLLgQ/s320/accept,+confidence,+fear.jpg" width="320" /></a>The new job is an answer to prayer and the best Christmas present ever, at this point. It's going to be a step out of my typical comfort zone, but I think I will do well. It's all in the attitude, right?? My new employer is taking a chance on me. I will give them my very best. It is the least I can do. <br />
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So, if you get a call asking if you have ever thought about a lawn care program...do me a favor, and don't hang up. You might just be helping me make a better paycheck for myself, lol!! <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-32311800278918586772013-12-09T07:17:00.001-05:002013-12-18T17:11:25.916-05:00A simple difficultyI have trusted and been heart broken by that misplaced trust many times. I've come to expect it when I meet new people. It amazes me that I give anyone a chance anymore. As a teen and a woman in my twenties, I was very open-hearted. I trusted <b>sooooo</b> easily, and I paid for it. <br />
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Plain truth, each time my trust has been misplaced, it has made me a bit more of a bitch, a touch more heartless. People have turned away from me. I have been rejected. I've been betrayed by people I thought were my friends. I reached a place where I didn't think anyone could get through to the trusting girl I used to be. </div>
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Then someone appeared. Sadly, this story turns out to be just another in a long line of mistakes I have made...that we all have made at one point or another. It is another lesson in how I should not trust the majority of the people I meet. </div>
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We talked about a wide range of subjects, found out we had multiple common interests and opinions. I started to trust a new person. I talked about things I hadn't talked about to anyone in a very long time. I became less shielded. The walls I had created slowly came down, stone by stone. I began to believe I wouldn't regret letting down my guard... </div>
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...and then it all stopped. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8wUrMFqu_2vYzCbTATuw_prGLiDE5PPpZq-wauPWHtxRgj2c4CxRUOwypkEZF9_jI9f_BnGy0g2_23nsmch1CeyFs_HBGSOi274-prSMohxnlLuoB3rCHJtwvgC9Td5VzLI9GBMDyRrI/s1600/Trust+completely.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8wUrMFqu_2vYzCbTATuw_prGLiDE5PPpZq-wauPWHtxRgj2c4CxRUOwypkEZF9_jI9f_BnGy0g2_23nsmch1CeyFs_HBGSOi274-prSMohxnlLuoB3rCHJtwvgC9Td5VzLI9GBMDyRrI/s320/Trust+completely.jpg" width="320" /></a>I had warning bells. I ignored them. I figured if I was going to change my attitude, it might as well be about everything. I should have listened to my internal security system. There are some things, well, I should just know better. </div>
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Now, all I have this 'I really miss them' feeling. I miss the friend I could talk to about things I could not/cannot talk to anyone else about. I have a small group of great and wonderful close friends. I shouldn't have tried to add to them. They all mean so much to me, and make me feel extremely blessed to have them in my life. This person had given me a sense of security to talk about some things that most people (even my closest friends) do not or would not want to hear about from me. What I have left is a deep seated feeling of regret, and at this moment, tremendous loss.</div>
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Well, I suppose this is a lesson in failed trust, foiled optimism. Okay, lesson learned. The guards will go back up, the walls reinforced. The people I have come to know and trust will continue to be the people I've come to know and trust. Once again, I will become wary and cautious about new folks who show themselves friendly. It is the simple difficulty of my life, who to trust? </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-30072635052407405982013-12-06T04:38:00.001-05:002013-12-06T04:38:33.716-05:00Humbug!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38_Rww3cLvaPPytL5eYFoTMQBklAS-tE4YhyPWTqxdYhnP7i9Y0fV17KEwthGUI5bvfBHeVbupGLoj6mfj5-1h1iSuEFNZGb8z88zGCJVSzk4LpWDxayECJJS30Xv6el0gIClMOXeHhA/s1600/christmas+tree.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38_Rww3cLvaPPytL5eYFoTMQBklAS-tE4YhyPWTqxdYhnP7i9Y0fV17KEwthGUI5bvfBHeVbupGLoj6mfj5-1h1iSuEFNZGb8z88zGCJVSzk4LpWDxayECJJS30Xv6el0gIClMOXeHhA/s320/christmas+tree.png" width="253" /></a>Ahhh! The holidays! Bah, humbug!!<br />
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Within my family, I am the Scrooge. My friends know I am a Scrooge. I am not a fan of the holiday season. This time of year carries many sad memories for me. I try hard to remember the good things about Christmas time but inevitably, they are mixed up with some very tearful remembrances. <br />
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The biggest sadness about December for me is that it brings the anniversary of the death of my maternal grandmother. She was an amazing, strong woman. She died 22 years ago. I miss her like she left us yesterday. <br />
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Remembering the loss of my maternal grandmother reminds me that March will bring the anniversary of the death of my paternal grandmother. I loved/love both grandmothers. They died within a few months of each other. My paternal grandmother was my best friend growing up. There are still days where thinking of her makes me cry, very much like missing my daddy.<br />
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December carries other anniversaries of passings: a favorite uncle; a childhood friend; my childhood crush. It is also the month of my parent's wedding anniversary. My folks would have been married 52 years on the 1st. <br />
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This time of year is incredibly hard for me also because I'm still single. There's no sweet good morning kiss on Christmas Day. There's no gifts to open from that someone special or gifts from my children. None of that...never has been. It can make a soul feel desperately lonely. Now there isn't even the "Merry Christmas" wakeup call from Daddy. <br />
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I can completely understand why people take their own life during this time of year. I had thought about it in the past. I don't now. I've got too many people to aggravate, agitate and irritate. There's too much havoc and mayhem to create. I have things I want to do...but I can fully appreciate how someone can feel like there is nothing more for them. When you are alone, watching the joy of couples and families as they gather, shop or just are about town, it can make you feel useless, hopeless.<br />
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Several years ago, I took to buying myself some kind of gift, wrapping it and setting it aside for Christmas. It's hard to be excited about opening a present when you already know what it is, but I try. This year, I bought myself a ticket for a WWE Live show. My birthday gift to myself was a ticket for a show in Hershey at the end of December, and my Christmas present was a ticket for a show at the end of January in State College. I'll go by myself, like I do everything. Things that I wish I could share with someone, I do by myself. That's my life. <br />
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There was one really great thing that happened in the month of December, my youngest nephew was born. He's 22 years old. Yes, he was born the same year my grandmother died...4 days before she died, to be exact. <br />
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I'm sure, if I really tried, I could probably think of some other good things about the holidays, but they're so entangled with sad memories that I don't even try anymore. There is one that doesn't take any effort...and it is memorialized with a 'selfie' my daddy took. He had mumps at Christmas time, and he took a picture of himself, all chipmunk cheeked and cheesy smile. I almost (ALMOST) feel guilty for still snickering about it after all these years. There are a few Christmas presents that I remember fondly: some books; the cat calendars my mom gets me every year; the Tigger mug that some friends got me one year; a Garfield piggy bank my aunt and uncle got for me. I smile as I recall the jitters after singing solos in Christmas concerts at school. <br />
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No, I don't look forward to Christmas like most people do. This year it's even harder because I'm still single and still jobless. I've never been jobless at Christmas before. The perfect presents for me this year would be to meet Mr. Right and a job, lol. My list is short, Santa!! I don't want much, haha! AND I'VE BEEN REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!<br />
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Well, I'll get through the holidays, maybe with the help of some Fireball in my coffee, but I'll get through. I am reminding myself there is much to be thankful for, now and every day. I remind myself that we will have a new family member by the time Christmas actually arrives. <br />
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Most of all, I will remind myself what the real reason for Christmas is...one small baby, born knowing what He would suffer. He loved us enough to do it anyway. A miracle, a blessing from God on high...brought to us to save us from an eternal fate we richly deserved, a Savior...the Creator in human form, to walk among us a short time before being the Ultimate Sacrifice for our sins. That ordinary baby did such extraordinary things while He was here. There isn't a life on this Earth that hasn't been touched by Him in some form since He arrived. His miraculous birth, His horrible death, His even more miraculous resurrection...all blessings that neither I nor anyone ever deserved. I suppose as long as I remember that, the rest of it can be survived, even without the Fireball in my coffee. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-47549688892797850162013-12-02T00:19:00.002-05:002013-12-02T00:19:41.497-05:00Cancer - the ugly opponent<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0knrPL4jlLQVIvzJjAz_yA8veK9LCGuFQv2fg10bSoG86pk7xEE9zVoqsR-W3yInFEIxlXEPzR3bZtipstL-Ma4LaYCAVcbnHB5QZByhjwqdlemKJDmGKIrO56tF-mblUGL6COUYA8bs/s1600/bad+thing+happen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0knrPL4jlLQVIvzJjAz_yA8veK9LCGuFQv2fg10bSoG86pk7xEE9zVoqsR-W3yInFEIxlXEPzR3bZtipstL-Ma4LaYCAVcbnHB5QZByhjwqdlemKJDmGKIrO56tF-mblUGL6COUYA8bs/s320/bad+thing+happen.jpg" width="320" /></a>The word "cancer" seems to be popping up a great deal in my life recently. It sucks! No, I don't have cancer. Both close and not close, there are too many people in my life this ugly illness has affected. A blog I follow, written by a schoolmate's brother, sent out the word that his brain tumor has returned. He has a wife, a son and apparently, a new child on the way. Yet once again, he will be fighting for his life against a very vicious enemy. He has walked that path before, and he goes into this new battle carrying the experiences of his last battle. I am praying, sending lots of love and positive thoughts for a victory for him against this evil.<br />
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Within my small group of close friends, one has fought and beat breast cancer; one fought and beat anal cancer; another FIGHTS lymphoma as we speak. I know she will beat it. She won't give it any choice but to leave and be gone forever - she's that kind of chick, strong and determined.<br />
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I have an uncle who was recently diagnosed with leukemia, slow growing, but still leukemia. He will be on chemo pills for the rest of his life. He jokingly told my mom (who has had quite the year health-wise) that he had to outdo her. Does the competitiveness of siblings ever stop, lol?? I have a cousin who's cancer - not sure what type - has reoccurred. My mom just informed me of this today. I do not really know anything more.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixexLpV7_JzXqObBGHwlH4XJFX-erctnlhuMNZBTCpfr_gKEDFkbj_moEeahTjP_B1yOX8bpH1tyCPROl2NyUmrCxTE1XNpO1jybLRlMtW9V-9kvRn3IKYvgL4mD8-B-y6gHybacXxV-c/s1600/My+prayer+for+you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixexLpV7_JzXqObBGHwlH4XJFX-erctnlhuMNZBTCpfr_gKEDFkbj_moEeahTjP_B1yOX8bpH1tyCPROl2NyUmrCxTE1XNpO1jybLRlMtW9V-9kvRn3IKYvgL4mD8-B-y6gHybacXxV-c/s320/My+prayer+for+you.jpg" width="268" /></a>A very dear friend has a friend who is battling a very aggressive brain tumor, and the battle is not going well. I keep praying, sending positive thoughts and love to this person that I don't even know. Because the fighter is a friend of my friend, their battle is important to me. So I'll just keep praying, trusting in the power of love and the Almighty to watch over them, to help them survive.<br />
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I know that cancer has become quite beatable in many circumstances, but it is still a horrible diagnosis, regardless. I've even had my own scare in the past. The problem I have isn't cancer. It is scary some days, when my head pounds from a migraine because of pseudotumor cerebri. I am truly lucky it was nothing more than excess cerebral fluid that creates extreme pressure on the optic nerve, my auditory nerves and the brain stem. Hopefully it will never be anything more than just a pain in my head - and ass. Gotta love wild hormonal imbalance for that one, lol...crazy hormones don't just make you a little nuts, it seems.<br />
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I know each person who is fighting, or has fought, is strong in their own way. I can only pray they remember their strength when the battle gets tough. <br />
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Keeping the love and positive vibes flowing for everyone who needs them. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-15874343197790828862013-11-27T20:59:00.000-05:002013-11-27T20:59:39.177-05:00Giving thanks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAzRl0dspVn01Rbi4b9xWaSl4oicrWa3WZLl1ALAacHGyDipib6fVX9PHVQlAqcBltbDQIdVYmISAqqDmDQzsGcUQiGrMCj5RYe3R05E-wNL9NalJzdLRd8CbtD4dLuyiemibrxWIbOhE/s1600/196460_Day-Scene-Crazy-Frankenstein-1024x768px-Wallpapers-thanksgiving_1024x768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFXBc1wUzieCz079EFQ2dX-cyfwAAUFQ7gdK3-TH6rkI41obBEexoaxYYJkM9H2x-bx44Km98j3IFxhccBBo3YfQkVHXYrBB-9Be-zcAdE405FVji5qNrdyZLG7wg-pYUQ_6Htti0XAA/s1600/Peanuts+thanksgiving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFXBc1wUzieCz079EFQ2dX-cyfwAAUFQ7gdK3-TH6rkI41obBEexoaxYYJkM9H2x-bx44Km98j3IFxhccBBo3YfQkVHXYrBB-9Be-zcAdE405FVji5qNrdyZLG7wg-pYUQ_6Htti0XAA/s320/Peanuts+thanksgiving.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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My life is still in a huge amount of upheaval but I have discovered that I need to write. My blog is a fantastic outlet for me...so I am back. <br />
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It is the night before Thanksgiving in my beautiful, beleaguered United States. I may complain (often) about things that aggravate, agitate and irritate me, but I have much to be thankful for too. <br />
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The past year, especially the last six or seven months, has brought many changes in my life. I've lost two beloved pets; lost my job; lost enough weight to create another person; joined a gym; started college and made some really fantastic new friends. I've learned to look at life in a more positive light, with the help of one or two of my new friends. My old friends are still wonderful and greatly supportive but they had come to the conclusion (I believe) that I was too pigheaded to ever change my outlook on life. The two new friends I write of are as fucking stubborn as I am, and they would not take 'no' for an answer when it came to me needing an attitude adjustment. <br />
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I have to admit, as difficult as it is for me, I am extremely grateful these friends did not give up on me. They may be distant as far as miles are concerned but they are close to my heart in many ways, just like the friends I have had for many years. I am thankful for all of my amazing, gorgeous, fabulous friends. Not only am I thankful for them, but I LOVE THEM! They are a joy like none other in my life. <br />
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I am thankful for my family. Though I have my issues with them, as all families are known to do, they care enough about me to nose in on occasion. I do not agree with them always, in fact, not normally these days, but I am glad they love me anyway - and I love them. I hope they know that. <br />
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I am thankful for a heart that is able to be open and caring about people, even when they are far away from me. I think of my new friends, my old friends and my family, near and far. Having an open heart does allow for me to be hurt, and sometimes that hurt is very hard to bear, but in the long run, I am better off than those that close their heart to all of the wonderful things that feeling love and tenderness, care and concern, can bring. I have been broken hearted, I have been sad but when that passes, I am stronger, wiser and more appreciative of the ones that love me in return. <br />
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I am thankful for medical science. No, I am not ill but two people who mean the world to me are, and medical science will be the reason I am allowed to keep them for a few years longer. Medical science also brought my mom back to health after four major surgeries in the past year (three of them were emergency surgeries). <br />
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As you know, my mother and I do not typically see eye to eye, but we have learned to find some common ground. I love my mom very much and I am extremely happy to have her here with me. I miss my dad, and I wish he was still here too. My parents may have been strict, sometimes harsh, but I always knew, in my heart, they loved me. That makes me a very lucky woman.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAzRl0dspVn01Rbi4b9xWaSl4oicrWa3WZLl1ALAacHGyDipib6fVX9PHVQlAqcBltbDQIdVYmISAqqDmDQzsGcUQiGrMCj5RYe3R05E-wNL9NalJzdLRd8CbtD4dLuyiemibrxWIbOhE/s1600/196460_Day-Scene-Crazy-Frankenstein-1024x768px-Wallpapers-thanksgiving_1024x768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAzRl0dspVn01Rbi4b9xWaSl4oicrWa3WZLl1ALAacHGyDipib6fVX9PHVQlAqcBltbDQIdVYmISAqqDmDQzsGcUQiGrMCj5RYe3R05E-wNL9NalJzdLRd8CbtD4dLuyiemibrxWIbOhE/s320/196460_Day-Scene-Crazy-Frankenstein-1024x768px-Wallpapers-thanksgiving_1024x768.jpg" width="320" /></a>There are many other things I am thankful for but these things are the ones I am most thankful for: my precious friends; my wonderful parents and family; a newly positive attitude and a loving heart. I love my family! I love my friends. I am glad for the new attitude, and the strength of my soul. May the coming year bring bigger, better things (a new job) and fewer difficulties (not needing so much medical science). <br />
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Happy Thanksgiving my friends, my readers! May you have a strong attitude of gratitude this season, and all the year through. <br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-5311956246853003442013-11-03T15:47:00.000-05:002013-12-18T17:23:04.333-05:00Taking time off<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm going to take a few weeks off from writing my blog. There has been so much going on in my life that I can't write about here. I need to take some time to get my head and heart wrapped around them.<br />
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I hope you can forgive me for taking a much needed break. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6AyCVWQDcykGUovuTFM0pCY6ERVpwcVYmjX6YOi4MXfjAkeh4jOt0910Et5jhLaqMCHxPyUj-VG_jP6tXEXTDDWpRmgw5yya1sB7xvnTmiUatapR3avIeMC7DYmGsmOScz3pfq3FrHq0/s1600/chances+we+didn't+take.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6AyCVWQDcykGUovuTFM0pCY6ERVpwcVYmjX6YOi4MXfjAkeh4jOt0910Et5jhLaqMCHxPyUj-VG_jP6tXEXTDDWpRmgw5yya1sB7xvnTmiUatapR3avIeMC7DYmGsmOScz3pfq3FrHq0/s320/chances+we+didn't+take.jpg" width="266" /></a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-10607448857228762782013-10-31T06:46:00.000-04:002013-10-31T06:46:56.109-04:00Oh how quickly things changeWell, sometimes parents can be very surprising.<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDyuTwKzjQ2uQ-cjm9KmGRoU6Afr2g72To_CJ3bKBH_nhQerBkAVNJGgpdIoGY5tZvyvIkLQPmA8lfzLmz8CziAlBRuGjwCjtUjJNdfstaS5sLvXjl1hmGS7fjtHAQEqwdkyusbMOYAK8/s1600/Never+have+a+negative+thought.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDyuTwKzjQ2uQ-cjm9KmGRoU6Afr2g72To_CJ3bKBH_nhQerBkAVNJGgpdIoGY5tZvyvIkLQPmA8lfzLmz8CziAlBRuGjwCjtUjJNdfstaS5sLvXjl1hmGS7fjtHAQEqwdkyusbMOYAK8/s200/Never+have+a+negative+thought.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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My mom apologized to me on Sunday morning for some words that we had on Friday afternoon. I spent Friday night and all day Saturday upset. It had been a difficult week. Mom & I having words only made it worse. </div>
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One of my best friend's fiance had lost his father. When I went to the viewing - her fiance is also my friend - it was at the same funeral home, in the same room, where my dad's viewing had been. Being there for just a few minutes immensely taxed my willpower to not cry. I didn't want to cry in front of their family because I didn't want to seem fake to them. I gave my condolences but got out of there very quickly. </div>
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Friday I drove 70 miles round trip for a job interview. I got lost on the way. Not seriously lost, but lost anyway, and was late to the interview. The manager doing the interview was very understanding. I wish I could say I got the job, but I didn't. I found that out this week, but it's okay. I had borrowed Mom's minivan to drive there. When I dropped off the van, I told Mom about the interview. We got to talking about another subject which is a sore subject between my mom and I. One thing lead to another, and she was talking to me like I was a teenager. Now, I wouldn't mind being talked to like I was a teenager, if I was still a teenager, but I am not and haven't been for a few years.</div>
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When I left, she was angry. I was angry. It wasn't pretty. I got home. With my mind already running roughshod over the viewing early in the week, being nervous about the job interview results and a few other things, I was a mess. Tears came easily and quite often through the night and all day Saturday. I talked with a very good friend early Sunday morning. Try as they might, I still couldn't find peace of mind. My friend and I had been communicating online, via messages. When we were done talking, I still needed to hear a human voice. </div>
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I tried reaching out to a few friends that I knew to be early birds, but to no avail. Finally, in desperation of needing to hear a voice, I called my mom. As we were talking, she said "I owe you an apology for how I talked to you on Friday. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been like that." My heart leaped. To be very honest, and this is nothing against my mom at all, Mom doesn't normally apologize for harsh words she may have said. She did this time. I readily accepted her apology and started to cry again. </div>
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Usually my mom will tell me to stop bawling. She didn't this time. We went on to have a really good conversation about why she was upset with me, and even found a peaceful way to deal with the issue. It was amazing. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz85xCuirg9rofMFYFadlzADzWYBY0DVEKdN7EVPTlJKhOotOSAyD9lXWt_bAAh7F4h2IBJvicHdsnx7ILS4EENePzV45nrlyp5NqRPKAaXOPPFvWj0zuASqFyd-lfQk37rMfWNIK6Z7Y/s1600/angel+kitty+drawing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz85xCuirg9rofMFYFadlzADzWYBY0DVEKdN7EVPTlJKhOotOSAyD9lXWt_bAAh7F4h2IBJvicHdsnx7ILS4EENePzV45nrlyp5NqRPKAaXOPPFvWj0zuASqFyd-lfQk37rMfWNIK6Z7Y/s200/angel+kitty+drawing.jpg" width="200" /></a>Mom and I usually don't see eye to eye on many things. It has improved greatly in the last few years, mainly because of Daddy leaving us. We kinda had to learn to lean on each other a little more. I normally leaned on Daddy. Of course, that's who she leaned on. When we were left with no other option, we had to learn to get along. We've done that, for the most part. We still butt heads often, but old habits truly do die hard, and that is a bad habit for both of us. It was and can still be, easy for us to lash out at each other. We are learning, though, which is wonderful.</div>
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My mom's apology destroyed my depressive swing completely in a matter of moments. It is amazing what a few kind words can do for someone like me. I know my mom and I will continue to clash. I don't think that will ever change, but anything is possible. She's even gotten tentatively on-board with me wanting to move away from the area. She's not happy about it but she's listening to why I want to do it. I suppose that will take a little time. </div>
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All in all, what was working into an utter and complete meltdown became a shining hallmark moment for me and my mom's relationship. Mom has even adjusted to my tongue piercing, lol. She doesn't understand it but she's dealing with it. I think it's cool, and something I've wanted to do for myself. We have agreed to disagree on the subject. </div>
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I know there will be times that Mom is going to forget I am a grown woman with my own ideas, wants and needs. I know that she and I will butt heads again over something. She's stubborn and so am I. It is inevitable that it will happen. Maybe it won't happen when I'm having an already bad week. I can hope, right? </div>
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She drives me crazy ocassionally but I love my mom. She's tough, beautiful, and hard sometimes, but she loves me. I am sincerely lucky.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-21827630859887176302013-10-26T09:43:00.000-04:002013-10-26T09:43:19.802-04:00Bipolar Mood Swings<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNEcvqnqLQ4fWu6yELs456kSA04k2pCmhX7wgKPZ0u-r0fCFHgdsbclLGKY2FaWaC1NtFm7SH7glcx-lYqqC1MdQE5LCIKsAjf6R74jybQKdTpy3TgRYoXwJabjpgIW_ekxtlH4EwAXI/s1600/Worst+battle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNEcvqnqLQ4fWu6yELs456kSA04k2pCmhX7wgKPZ0u-r0fCFHgdsbclLGKY2FaWaC1NtFm7SH7glcx-lYqqC1MdQE5LCIKsAjf6R74jybQKdTpy3TgRYoXwJabjpgIW_ekxtlH4EwAXI/s320/Worst+battle.jpg" width="196" /></a>This is a venting post.<br />
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I am feeling very out of sorts this morning, and a whole lot alone. <br />
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I'm tired. I'm broke. I'm frustrated. I'm aggravated. Every slight, every mean thing, every bad decision ever, is circling around in my head.<br />
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I want some mental quiet. I want some emotional rest.<br />
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I want to curl up and hide.<br />
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I want my daddy. When I felt like this in the past, Daddy would get frustrated with me, but he would hug me anyway and I could stop crying. It would go away for a little while. I feel lost now, because I don't have anyone like that anymore.<br />
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My cat looks at me like I'm nuts, rolls over and goes back to sleep. To be honest, I get like this and kinda feel like I am a little crazy. I know I'm not, but I feel that way.<br />
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I have friends, but they have their own lives, their own stresses, their own problems. How fair would it be to them if I'm boohooing about my silly shit when they have more important things to deal with? I love them too much to ask them to deal with my snot nosed, blubbering self. I'm the person to be leaned on, not the one doing the leaning. I may bitch sometimes to them, but they don't need me crying around like some baby not getting their own way.<br />
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Usually, I could care less if anyone is around. I talk to who I want to talk to. I listen to who I want to listen to. I'm pretty independent normally. <br />
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Right now, I wish I wasn't so independent. <span style="text-align: center;">Right now, I wish I wasn't so alone. </span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-9160088167642280442013-10-26T07:45:00.001-04:002013-10-26T07:45:27.748-04:00THE REMINDER LIST<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjD4NqBIt9z_QZoVF9GvYGNzQd2_i9DFZMaam3PGXeOdCelgexgxWitXWmhm6mwKMPpoFaaNsHpds4obVKK_2BbfuS0uJtBMYHfxZAU3D0umjCVgS3LGGyIzD-FyREoTJ9cOxaOXVhm0/s1600/dont+judge+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjD4NqBIt9z_QZoVF9GvYGNzQd2_i9DFZMaam3PGXeOdCelgexgxWitXWmhm6mwKMPpoFaaNsHpds4obVKK_2BbfuS0uJtBMYHfxZAU3D0umjCVgS3LGGyIzD-FyREoTJ9cOxaOXVhm0/s320/dont+judge+me.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: start;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">I'm not perfect, I'm me.</span></b></span><b style="text-align: start;"><div style="display: inline !important; font-size: medium;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkICZ3qWCQb7N47R68OIeKh-KpKtZ5cXJQ6Iy7HkBrpG-XPl7DVjbBUJfCW-4eghWjqwTxT-hEIzjrk71tCNu70iI90iCw4Db9W3kfucfMsf8hcMJeZTHeofj4gTSZrJy1VOFY2Qcmiao/s1600/judge+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="164" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkICZ3qWCQb7N47R68OIeKh-KpKtZ5cXJQ6Iy7HkBrpG-XPl7DVjbBUJfCW-4eghWjqwTxT-hEIzjrk71tCNu70iI90iCw4Db9W3kfucfMsf8hcMJeZTHeofj4gTSZrJy1VOFY2Qcmiao/s400/judge+me.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;"><b>If you judge me, I promise, I will prove you wrong!</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5PJoz5Tk_VWlZw1gB1mbAvgiFbTWlegz4XOXNiknj_4EVBr7RuqdDCh3fNl97YNBg9AE2ZKHvIAlWh_QAaRnzszYCwmmz2xrZ4kw-Nhhlqej14l5IzhACpC8VvCerU5JA2N41o6eD8s/s1600/being+yourself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5PJoz5Tk_VWlZw1gB1mbAvgiFbTWlegz4XOXNiknj_4EVBr7RuqdDCh3fNl97YNBg9AE2ZKHvIAlWh_QAaRnzszYCwmmz2xrZ4kw-Nhhlqej14l5IzhACpC8VvCerU5JA2N41o6eD8s/s400/being+yourself.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;"><b>I'm not you. I don't want to be you. I want to be me!</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRYdTr_njOzjkfKufIWRztOoi1GOLFgWoo_TDTo0nlC7Qztg_nXTwhYDh6qdn_G63WAsimd67PfZ_fDjRiJCZWrxjcKzZ005xCnxygkwKAyY0bpAestkquuOqs44wkb8kuuVj7U0gh-M4/s1600/Proving+them+wrong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRYdTr_njOzjkfKufIWRztOoi1GOLFgWoo_TDTo0nlC7Qztg_nXTwhYDh6qdn_G63WAsimd67PfZ_fDjRiJCZWrxjcKzZ005xCnxygkwKAyY0bpAestkquuOqs44wkb8kuuVj7U0gh-M4/s320/Proving+them+wrong.jpg" width="291" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;"><b>Believe what you want about me. Say what you want to say about me. When it is all said and done, you'll be the one looking stupid.</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdPibDcmkmm_SL8ejuwMRXnk4sO1w0pPAACRqJbs-fVLMA1sW1Q0F909qq9AuN0WWxHQhlz3g5l_sUKpCrbtY0dL2_0o8u36HAV5XXVOY_gMouhbrqL4ILK9np5XPmWnqz-GNUMVdlSz0/s1600/you+can+become+great.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdPibDcmkmm_SL8ejuwMRXnk4sO1w0pPAACRqJbs-fVLMA1sW1Q0F909qq9AuN0WWxHQhlz3g5l_sUKpCrbtY0dL2_0o8u36HAV5XXVOY_gMouhbrqL4ILK9np5XPmWnqz-GNUMVdlSz0/s320/you+can+become+great.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;"><b>I need your support, not your judgement. I need to live my own life; follow my own dreams; do the things that make me happy. I would never hold you back. Please don't do that to me.</b></span> </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736237660509365305.post-5276307499500390482013-10-21T06:51:00.000-04:002013-10-21T06:51:13.248-04:00Small townsI am a patient person. I am a kind person. I am a loving person. I have learned to be a positive person.<br />
<br />
Right now, I am none of the above. I am an impatient person. I am not feeling very kind. I am an angry person. <br />
<br />
A few you know that for my birthday, I indulged myself and did something I have wanted to do for a while...I got my tongue pierced. I hadn't Mom yet, and had only told a few friends. I planned on telling Mom when I was able to take it out without there being a problem with getting the piercing back in. <br />
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Well, someone already told her. I do not know who, and she won't say. I caught a huge ration of grief for doing it. I don't know if it was one of my friends or somebody else from this small town. I had it done at a place catty-corner across the street from the police station. It could have been someone from there that knows I'm related to the chief. I don't know.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjySxsii7HOZfU_qJ2_SGD3DyhQV_BENSQPftAn22W1qEpgWtrbf5GXNFDQ97UIxHovFy_znAyJj4OKoD2eO8sIwZEK3-oNztYg9ag_O6HnhBn1jl5bOfOE84GHbFnytspTcXpIVTcNHU0/s1600/damned+if+i+do.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjySxsii7HOZfU_qJ2_SGD3DyhQV_BENSQPftAn22W1qEpgWtrbf5GXNFDQ97UIxHovFy_znAyJj4OKoD2eO8sIwZEK3-oNztYg9ag_O6HnhBn1jl5bOfOE84GHbFnytspTcXpIVTcNHU0/s320/damned+if+i+do.jpg" width="320" /></a>What I do know...I am tired of not being able to do anything without someone running to tell my family. I feel like I can't even breathe without someone keeping check on me. I'm old enough to take care myself. I have gotten help from family and friends on occasion in the past, but for the most part, I am very independent. It feels like I can't do anything without somebody tracking my movements. I need to get out of this town.<br />
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The longer I stay, the more angry I become. I love my family. I love my friends but I need to get out of here.<br />
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I have started legitimately job searching away here...away, away from here. I won't be on the East Coast any longer than needed. I am going somewhere fairly warm most of the year - no snow. I'm going somewhere there are no tornados, no earthquakes, few wildfires, little rain, no humidity and somewhere there are actual things to do after midnight when I am usually awake. <br />
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I'm tired of feeling like everything I do gets checked and rechecked to see how stupid I've been. I'm not stupid. Yes, I have made questionable choices (who hasn't?) over the years, but nothing ridiculous. Plenty of room in this country and I don't feel the need to stay put any longer. The plan is now actively in place. I am searching for a job <br />
elsewhere. Somehow I will manage to get out of here. When? I'm not sure but it will be as soon as possible...that much I do know. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12603267791254463809noreply@blogger.com0